Dear Diary:
Up early on a Saturday,not awakened by a knock on my bedroom door. Which is very unusual. What woke me was the pain and spasms in my gut. What a weird feeling, in a deep sleep,awaken by what feels like a demonic possession.
It started on early Wednesday morning, I fell asleep joyful, I was scheduled to see my Sweetie that day. I wasn't sleep for an hour and I woke up riddled in pain. I had to look down because it felt like I was bleeding. The pain was just that bad. It took me ten minutes to drag myself into my daughters bedroom, with my cellphone in hand I called my Mom first then after her orders, I called an ambulance.
At the hospital, test were ran, from bloodwork to a CT Scan of my abdomen. They thought it was kidney stones or a bladder infection gone bad, but all my test came back normal. Strange, yet I am still in pain, they could not explain it.
Next day, I visit my GI Dr, I went early, still in hellafied pain. It didn't behoove me to go early, he did not see me til an hour after my scheduled appointment time.
While waiting, I couldn't help but let my mind wonder, I had idle time to think about the events leading up my sickness. I had started working out doing Zumba class twice a week, started drinking herbal tea&shakes,watching closer at my eating habits, and I took more time to meditate. The only negative thing in my life was the arguing and fussing recently with my Sweetie, and a couple random bitchass niggas who I controlled by cutting them off. My Sweetie,is always around negativity in his profession, and it plays into his life outside of work. I have managed to deal with it(him) over the past months. However, when he starts to lie and make up shit for reasons unknown, that urks me to the highest. Also,I realized its been a month since we have had sex, a lot of tension gets built up when the release between the two isn't there. Yes, I know. He has been slipping, and blaming it on me. LOL,because I continue to do me when he falls short? As a single lady, I am doing the right thing. Only mistake I have made thus far,is allowing him to get into my heart chambers and puffin up his ego. Men in law enforcement already have big heads. I am merely feeding a big beast, the big bad W.o.L.F.
Dr comes in, feels my tummy, ask a couple questions,and reviews my previous visits. His diagnosis is diverticulitis. He gives me a sketchy explanation of the condition, and sends me to the nurses station to get a pamphlet and a two week follow up appointment. Wow,I feel like I have been hit by a truck,confused and still not understanding what in the hell was wrong with me. I text my Sweetie the diagnosis, he is just as confused as I am.
Before I could Google the condition, I receive a text message from the pharmacy, Doc had called in my medicines. "Well damn, they do not waste any time"I thought to myself.
The next person I reached out to was my Mom, she was puzzled because I had just went in July for a colonoscopy. My results were good, just had a couple polyps removed, that were non Cancerous. My Mom hangs up the phone and within minutes calls me back,after she had reported to the rest of the family. Like damn, that was fast...she blurts out"you know your Uncle has that and your Aunt". Okkkk,and what in the hell does that suppose to mean to me?? It did not make me feel any better. I am a mid 30 aged woman, going through some weird shit.
Before heading home, I went to lunch with that stinking pamphlet in hand, I Googled the shit out of the condition. The key things I gathered from my online research:diverticulitis can be brought on by stress,obesity plays a role in it, not drinking enough water,not enough fiber in the diet, and if severe enough, surgery is needed to remove the diseased portion of the colon. Oh hell no, one-there is no way I am having surgery, two-I know this was brought on by stress and not enough water because I eat enough fiber. Three-me being overweight is a factor too. AND-I do have a thing for carbs. So, my thoughts, take this thing seriously and aggressively so it isn't a reoccurring thing. Because anything that has me in this amount of pain and swelling messes with my whole well being, I cannot function fully, and it affects others lives around me who have to provide care to me.
I stopped at Kroger on the way home, grabbed a 6pack of Ensure, some fruits, oatmeal,a couple gallons of water, Cranberry juice, wheat bread, and some whole wheat pasta for the dinner I planned to throw together for the kiddies before I went on total bedrest(which was medically recommended, til the inflammation subsides).
That was two days ago, today I am beyond cranky and the frustration is almost gone. I was kinda pissed with my Sweetie. Yup, I am sorta kinda still upset with him. Because I made reference to the pain from pregnancy complications and he immediately thinks that I thought I was pregnant. Like what the fuck??!! I referenced pregnancy because the pain from this condition is just as bad as having complications in a pregnancy. That was my only recollection of this kinda pain was pregnancy. The nerve of him to even go there. Ok,yes...I was supposed to see my Gynecologist the day after my GI appointment because nobody knew what the hell was wrong with me,and yes...my DR thought I could have had a cyst that burst. Hell, it felt almost the same, but I am going with my GI Dr diagnosis because around my belly button is so freakin sore.
My girlfriends have made some brash jokes about their theories on what got me this way. One horrible joke"Ima need you to not swallow Mista nutt anymore,its gotten you sick". Kinda funny, but not really because you know I Googled the shit outa that too,like really...can I get an infection in my colon from swallowing sperm?? LOL....hummmm,and our last encounter was oral sex only.
Man,I could go for some oral sex,kissing and cuddling=comforting. These dog wet kisses from my toddler are not cutting it. I feel like Shug in The Color Purple,"I needs a mannnn".LOL,shit where is my Miss Ceily...oh yeah,her Grandma died,sigh...she's dealing with that. Dammit,a poor substitute of that squarehead,moley big dick man that I crave.
Too bad he's so selfish not concerned enough to come see me while I am sick. He's too busy wanting me to get well for all the wrong reasons, get well to be his "device"..that is what I think. I also think he is still pissed that I had another in his spot during a midday rendezvous that he (to me) intentionally missed. Not my fault, I went out of my way for him that day, and nope-I have never had anyone else over during that time of day, that was our allotted time. I went all out too-put my toddler in daycare so we could have the entire place to ourselves. I made: salad, Ribeye steak,and texas toast. I was looking forward to the sex on my balcony and on the ottoman in my living room. None of that happened. Well, there was sex, but not with my Sweetie. I called up a poor replacement in his absence. We went about three rounds,two on webcam and one in my hallway. The "Filler"guy was a guy who I had been talking to, a potential boyfriend,sigh...the premature sex spoiled that. He and I are not speaking, he was kinda throwed by me texting during sex and snapping pics while we were sexing. I was texting my Sweetie the entire time,filling his fetish of knowing I am being sexed by another and pissing him off because he has never sexed me outside of my bedroom. His lost. His fetish,his high turned into anger(I only did what he liked,so I thought...another set up). We argued 12hrs straight that day. Yeah,and he wants me to believe he was working,yet he had time to fuss with me an entire afternoon til midnight. Such a fucking liar.
What he doesn't know, I really broke my neck that day to prepare for him. A long time ago,I stopped doing "wifely" things for guys. I almost had an anxiety attack getting my place catalog perfect for him. Yes,I went all out, got my sofa and carpet cleaned, added a few decorative pieces to my dwelling to make it feel more inviting. I had been needing to take my living room back,this was my chance,bringing the sex outside of the bedroom and with the perfect candidate my freaky,impulsive lover. No, he wasn't deserving of it because he stresses me the most, on the contrary, he is the one who is the most consistent and brings a powerful punch when we do interact.
So far, no one has topped what he does for me. And yes, I have tried others...with and without the sex, their intellect is too fucking dry or too damn goofy. And sex, nowhere near as satisfying. "I could not see myself being monogamous with that,I would so cheat on him",I have caught myself saying after sex. I am almost as satisfied when I occasionally sex a Co Star or a somewhat random guy (he's random because we do not sex or see each other on the regular,but we have known each other close to or over a year).
This month so far, the most memorable moments of sex were when I almost drowned a guy with my cum. I rode his face and played in my pussy,I have never done that!! Dude had a mouth full of MY cum,hysterically laughing inside, holding in my grin, blushing on the outside. I said,"oh wow,I am sooo sorry hun". He said,"its ok,even though you almost drowned me". Teehee,that was a good orgasm.
I cannot help but think that my sudden illness is a portent. Yes, a sign that I need a complete lifestyle change and a wake up call. I now know that I can be stressed and not know it. I do not want to look like the mother of his children,she has aged drastically from 09-til now. I just want to have fun, be healthy and prosperous. He can keep all that drama over there, and at the office with those criminals. With his suspect ass-I know he's always up to something. Glanced at his pic, he looks like one of those guys that would hide your shit and help you look for it,lol!! His sneaky ass. He went from that pain in the ass to super nice texting"kisses"to me,like who is this guy texting me,and what happen to that squarehead,Mr.CaramelCoated,SweetDick Willie, mother fucker who was just cussing me out last week?!!
I am that good place, that positive energy, just have to plant good "seeds" in me. I do not mind treating him like the only man on Earth or giving him the best blowjob(&pussy) on this planet. He just has to keep the drama down, the lies at bay, and call/text when his ass cannot make it instead of making up stories.
He's often shared his fears of me leaving him or not dealing with him anymore if I find someone that earns the title of my man/boyfriend. Honestly, that is awhile from now and when I do, I am sure our time will have well ran out. Because knowing the man I am presently in love with,he is not going to settle being second. Hell, he doesn't like my fans. Even though, he met the persona before meeting the Mommy on the street.
I am off now, to indulge in boring activities of this bedrest Saturday. I will try to keep my mind off idle, its horrible the thoughts that I have. My theories get the best of me at times.
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
