Dear Diary Jan13_Letting Love Flow

Dear Diary:

It is a frosty morning, the curtains are open, I am sitting in front of the window with my wonderfully warm cup of chai tea. It is a beautiful thing to see another sunrise, and waking up with no regrets. Because I am learning to allow things to flow, and live life as tomorrow may never come. Each sunset I make sure that I give thanks for a productive, and sometimes hectic day. When I rise the next day, I do the same thing...be grateful for another chance to recreate..redesign...my life.

It’s something about love, this unshakable emotion that has me engulfed with forgiveness and ceaseless passion. When I truly pay attention to it, the emotion grows my mind, and I become an even more sophisticated being. I’ve learned enough about it, that in order for love to remain,you must always find a reason to keep falling.

At times, when the darkness of anger comes upon me I have to let it run through me, for if I fight the darkness it’ll make things unfathomable. It took me some time to learn that about good and bad emotions. You must allow them both to flow through you in order to be balanced...and in order to truly understand yourself...you must know why and what fuels each part of you.

He’s upstairs sleeping...snoring like a Papa Bear. He put in good work, on the job and with me (haha). I slept so well, that when I woke up I still had a smile on my face (yes indeed). Sex first thing, on a cold morning is the best thing. I just got goosebumps, the aftereffect of our passion. He was so deep inside of me, that I know that I left a few scratch marks on his back. The deeper he went, my pussy kept releasing and squeezing on his dick. I was so sloppy wet, the noises that my pussy made, had him moaning so loud...his dick got even harder and my movements were like a sacred dance. My nipples are hard, as I type this. AND my pussy has begun to jump, she is contracting...wanting some more I assume. I won’t wake him, he needs his rest...I won’t pounce on him (this time).

Things have been very well with us, and he is in full agreement that we do need to pull away from the lifestyle. Ever since we had that discussion, I have been super hot and horny for him! He’s been very attentive to my needs lately, it feels like when we first met. We are back in the “honeymoon” phase. All of the resentment and other negative elements that were clouding our love life has diminished. The love has gotten sweeter.

Last week, I went in to pay the utilities, and each office I visited, the clerk said that the account had no balance owed. Wow! He paid all of the bills off, and the mortgage is a month ahead. All I could do was look to the sky, and say “thank you”. Then I picked up the phone to call him to say the same thing. See, it was not too long ago that he wouldn’t bother to pay until I mentioned it. Or I would neglect paying the bills being too busy pissed about something or busy with my “outside dealings” to care about what went on in my own household. Yes, we were both a hot ass mess.

This period of us feels good, I’ve taken the password off my phone and he no longer takes calls outside in his car. There are no worries of “outsiders” interrupting our good harmony.

Last week, I visited the precinct and I saw one of his former interoffice flings. She had the audacity to give me the eye. I pretended as if I didn’t see her. I was so unmoved by her presence. Nonetheless, before I left him we exchanged our usual kiss but I put a little bit more umph into it. I slipped him some tongue, and “discreetly” brushed my hand against his crotch. I noticed she was watching out of the corner of her eye, so I gave her something to see...us exchanging some soap opera style lip service.  Oh she was bothered. I overheard her say to another officer “did they put out that PDA, I mean APB out for that missing elderly guy”. I am sure she was being sarcastic, but once again...I was not moved by her. It is funny how traditional women react, to an unconventional woman who has been generous with her love. Yes, she is ungrateful. She got to experience love with him.  I am sure she is one of many who are upset that he didn’t abandon the lifestyle to be solely with them. Sorry ladies.

What the women do not know, it is an arousal, for me to have a mate who is highly sought after. My pussy is wet thinking about him at work, possibly exchanging a glance with a curious co-worker. Yes, I heard rumors about my guys“rep” around the office...both good&bad things are said about him (so I am told)...but it never stops the subordinates from throwing themselves at him. I’m so glad that he’s learning from mistakes. He is finally taking his position of authority serious. He had some hard lessons to learn, he now knows that office pussy will keep drama in your life.

I must run now, he’s at the top of the stairs asking me to bring him up some breakfast. I gotta stop anyway, I have to get ready to leave. 
I’m heading to Belize for work related business. I leave on Friday. I have this magic number in my head, of how many orgasms I must get before then too. (((Smiling))) We can start with position “69”. I want to suck his soul dry before I take this 4 hour flight on Friday.

Kisses to you,

~Dream~©2016 Thick Dream Productions/Ms.Atlanta Thick~Dream~

Dear Diary Things Are Changing Jan11_2016

Dear Diary:

It is kinda late, and I have finished catching up on all of the missed episodes on the DVR. The kettle was screaming for me, to turn it off...so now I am up listening to old school music and sipping tea. I could not resist, I had to open you up, to spill what has been floating about in my mind.

Well, he and I are back good from that last argument. I really want to elaborate more on what happened, but not at this time.

I’ve been spending a lot of time alone lately, and getting more in tune with myself. I spent most of the holidays alone, I saw my family briefly. He has been working a lot of overtime,but for some odd reason,I'm okay with that. I guess I’ve grown accustomed to the schedule of having a man in law enforcement.

The other day,he tried to hold me during my sleep, but I did not want him touching me. I’ve been having some horrible nightmares lately and sleep has not been a friend of mine. I know why I am not able to rest,its work related and my ass is upset that he is working more hours. His new shift change has us in a weird "funky" place right now. First of all,it is a different life when you work during the day, and your mate works at night. For years, I’ve been use to being held at night by him and yes it is tough sleeping in a Shaq sized King bed alone or not sleeping at all until he comes in...and occasionally he does not come home at all.

I don’t mind spending time with myself;however,it's getting to me. My mind is my friend, and at times my mind is my enemy. I’m doing all I can-focusing on my career,working out 5 days per week. BUT-the minute I get a break to myself my focus is on him...I want him and bad...and then the next I cannot stand to hear his voice. I want to be loved, and cared for...but sometimes when he is around me I want to push him away. Why?? Because we’ve been missing out on those simple days when we would hangout together. We are so out of sync that he no longer knows when I am feeling moody, he use to know exactly what I needed from a foot rub to a couple scoops of white turtle ice cream. Each time we sit down to a meal, he speaks on nothing more than his day at work. As a matter of fact, that is all he seems to want to talk about is work,not us.

Two weeks ago, it was raining, cold and windy outside. I stayed up with him, during his entire shift texting him my thoughts...sexy thoughts of him and I. When he got off, I had a hot bath waiting for him and breakfast. He was dog tired,I could tell the way he dragged himself out of the car, and damned near crawled upstairs. Seeing him like that, made me want to cater to him so much more.

I helped him get undressed, and I allowed him to get comfortable in the tub before I sat in a chair beside him. I just wanted to connect with him. I wanted to feed him the bagels and fruit (what I had out for breakfast) as he soaked, but instead I listened to him without interrupting. I know that is all he wants at times, is for me to shut up and hear how his day went. This morning I had to give him that after seeing how tired he was, the night shift did kick the shit out of his ass.

I listened and listened as he went on about events that were made for an episode of Cop’s. Anxious,I couldn’t stay seated the entire time, as he spoke, so I grabbed a washcloth and I began to wash him. The minute my hand touched his washcloth his penis rose up from underneath the water, as if it were away in a coma. I tried not mention it, but I had to (hahaha). I said “oh my look who is here and ready to party”. He looked down and shook his head in agreement and continued speaking.

I washed every single inch of his tired yet handsome body. I washed between his toes and behind his scrotum, I left his ass crack for him to do though. It had been a minute since I did something like that for him. I did not mind. Actually, I was very turned on by washing/grooming him. It's something about me...and him...we do not mind worshipping each other. He has scratched out dandruff from my scalp, and I have cleaned his hairy booger filled nose.

OMG!!! See, this is the shit that I am missing...no WE are missing….tending to each other and OFTEN!! He’s too busy trying to save the planet, and I am too busy trying to save myself from myself..that we forgotten to invest in what we have that is precious and important--each other!!

I am so glad that I took my time massaging him after he got out of the tub. It made him so much more sweeter. AND to feel his muscles go from tense to relax as I kneaded out the knots in his back, was something very sensual to experience. AND the look on his face, was to die for. He was like a little baby who was dipped in honey butter. The satisfaction on his face was something that filled me up with joy that lasted for days.

After the massage, I whispered in his ear “I am now going to kiss each part of your body". And that I surely did...you name it-I kissed it. I forgot to mention, that during the massage and the sweet kisses he was blindfolded too. His steady massive erection was screaming for me to suck him, and abandon the rest of his body. I didn't stop, to solely tend to his erect thick dick. Of course, I did massage and kiss his cock too. The best part of the kisses and massage was me “ordering” him to get on all fours. I told him to lean on his elbows and keep his butt in the air. Then I said for him to “spread em” so that I could massage,suck and kiss his dick from the back. My hands, and face were oily...I used both to please him. I wanted to stick my tongue in his asshole, but I blew into it gently and continued to lick, suck, and kiss him everywhere else-with him still on his knees...with his ass in my face. I think I even bit into his buttocks….I do not know what overcame me, it's just something about pleasure..and pleasing THIS man. WE have no limitations. There is nothing too kinky when it comes to our pleasure.

When the time came for him to enter me,he was wanting to do all these fancy sex positions. All I wanted was for him to lay on top of me, and slide inside slow and stroke me deep. And he did just that, except he added a hook-swivel move to his stroke this time...that made a big difference in the lovemaking. He gave me such good strokes, that I was in tears. I kept touching his face, and kissing him the entire time. It was just that incredibly good, something we’ve not had in awhile….some intense spiritual type sex.

When he released inside of me,I felt the weight of his week and all of the emotions he had been holding back from me. All I could do was hug him tight, and allow the good in him to fill me...as we both panted from such an high energetic exchange.

Its midnight, I am sure they are finished with roll call. I want to call him, but I think I will message him. I have to share with him, that every since that morning....I have been wanting to disengage...not from him but from the lifestyle that we’ve been living.
Until next time,
~Dream~©2016 Thick Dream Productions/Ms.Atlanta Thick~Dream~

Dear Diary I am back November 14 2015

Dear Diary:

I know, I know it has been a very long time since I sat down and open you up. I have been dealing with life, and not having too many moments to just sit down in front of you. When I do have a moment to myself, there is no electronics in hand and no sharing allowed. The only exchange is the communing between me and the Creator. Yes, I have increased, incorporated new things in my life, to provide balance.

Sarge and I are STILL in a very odd place right now. We communicate often, but our sex life is almost at a stand still. He has been dealing with a new job position, so more wages mean more duties, and of course less time to spend with me. We did attempt to attend counseling sessions together with a non traditional counselor. In our last session, Sarge disclosed that he was suffering from PTSD, and it messes with his sex drive and memory. “Well damn,I was right”I thought to myself as I sat next to him, holding his hand...pretending to be in disbelief. But hell, I knew it all along. The signs have always been there, all that was left was for him to say it out of his mouth. I knew that it was his pride, and fear of rejection that kept him from sharing this with me.

The counselor really did not help, he commended me for understanding what Sarge goes through and he made some suggestions to Sarge about rejuvenating our bedroom passion. Sarge agreed that he would try each one, and vowed to make allocated nights “all about Dream”. Well, he lied….his promise expired when he received his promotion. That is when the workload increased and his libido became extinct.

The last time Sarge and I made love, he did not reach orgasm. Due to his dick unwilling to achieve a full erection. I wanted to blame the fact that he became startled at a flash, he thought he saw in the closet. He jumped out of my pussy,to dash into the closet...because he thought he saw someone in there. “So, you thought someone was in the closet, and holding a camera too”-I said. I was puzzled. Did Sarge think I had paparazzi...what the fuck. Sarge tore up the closet, only to find a beaded body chain. His face was bright red, his forehead glowed from cold sweat. The look on my face was priceless. I am 1000%, it spoke volumes. I am positive my face said “this fucker is crazy as a loon”. However, my reaction did not match my facial expression. After he washed the sweat from his pale fear stricken face, I reached out to him. My lips pouting,head titled to the side,and my arms open for him to come receive my consoling affection.  Holding him felt as if I were comforting a child I had given birth to. At that moment,I did not judge him, and no thoughts crossed my mind to abandon the relationship. It was actually arousing, to hold this powerful man in my embrace. I could not help myself, after what 30 minutes of cuddling Sarge….my “Motherly” instincts were put aside. The horny woman in me, wanted his meaty dick! I did everything in my sexy repertoire, to get his cock revved up….nothing happened. I mean...his dick would rise then fall, it wouldn’t stay hard for shit! Now, the “understanding” woman that I am...I blamed it on the food we ate prior to sex and I kept reassuring him that it was “okay” that we couldn’t complete our lovemaking. It did not matter what I said to Sarge, he did not like that his dick was not cooperating with him. After going back and forth about it, I had enough of the debate. He did not believe me, when I confessed that I came 6 times prior to him leaping toward the closet. I got out of the bed, to head downstairs for a glass of water. On my way downstairs, I almost tripped over his work boots and pants. Out of frustration,I moved the boots, and threw his slacks at him. As the pants hurled in the air, his change and a prescription bottle fell out the pockets. Boyyyy….I tell you…..you should have seen how quick Sarge ass moved butt naked from under those covers...and he was supposed to be asleep,hahaha!! He scurried to retrieve the contents of his pockets before they hit the floor. He tried his hardest to grab the prescription bottle before my hands picked it up. The bottle landed near me, so I bent to give it to him. He froze in his tracks. I read the label, and the medicine is for high blood pressure. I asked him”when did you start taking medicine for hypertension”. He bowed his head and replied “I’ve been taking it for a year now, but I was off it when I first met you”. My mind started thinking a 100 miles per hour...my next question “so THIS is the real cause of your libido problems...ya think”. “I mean it could be very well, a slight reason for the challenges Honey”he said.  

Man, DAMN...I was too pissed that day with Sarge. All this time, and all this shit he has going on healthwise….I could not help but think a part of the distance occurring was about ME not being loving enough...but sweet Mary,Martha,Joseph and Jacob….the man has a CHRISTMAS list of contributing factors why his dick is not performing at full mass and occasionally pulling a NO SHOW. From the garbage food cops tend to consume to the job stress to the PTSD, the depression and NOW the medicine...no fucking wonder his dick is on DOA...limp noodle status.

Over and over, I’ve tried to understand Sarge and plug into the passion we have as friends and lovers….right now, I can’t do it. It is too many reasons to list, why a break is needed from him and I. It is simply too much work on my part to do, and right now….mentally...I do not have the patience to do it. Why? When HE has allowed his little boy shame and insecurities take president over his masculine dynamite King energy. He makes numerous excuses why he can’t make it to dinner or when he does come around...he’s coming to use me as his emotional dumping ground.  

UUUGHHH!! Let me change the subject, just writing about that Sarge, is bringing up too many draining emotions. I’ll come back to him...let me discuss “Mista”man/Honey Bunny.

Mista and I were done, the last I wrote. Wellll…..it was almost a year since I had any contact physically with him....guess who showed up with an invitation to our favorite restaurant and guess who (like a dummy) said yes? Yup….that guy...and yes my silly self did say yes that I would meet him.

On the night, I was scheduled to meet Mista I was 30 minutes late arriving to dinner. I just knew that when I got there, he would have left to only curse me out, and say that he is blocking my number. Shit, that was what I was hoping that would happen anyway...haha! When I got there, parking wasn’t available, so I had to utilize the restaurant valet service (what he suggested that I do because he knows how much I hate walking in my 5 inch heels). The parking attendant opened my door, and another guy named “Marcus” came to my aid. Marcus (the Maitre d’) grabbed my hand to help me get out of my car, and handed me a dozen roses that were hidden behind his back. “Wow, these are beautiful...thank you Marcus, who are these from”I asked. “Madame, these are from a gentleman awaiting your presence”. I smiled and the swing in my hips increased as we reached the table where Mista stood, taking in the view of me.

When I got to the table, I wanted to hug him...no...I am lying. I wanted to rip his fucking clothes off, and fuck him right there in the middle of the restaurant. But instead, I did nothing.  I observed him and kept the conversational exchange to a minimum. From the moment, he pushed in my chair...the shenanigans began. He stood behind my chair to pull aside my hair, and applied a soft warm kiss,to the left side of my neck. My eye’s fluttered and rolled toward the back of head. My right hand caressed his caramel colored bald scalp. That sweet kiss, turned into him sucking, licking and biting into my neckline….it happened so quickly, but it seemed like hours that he was attached to my neck. When he finally sat his ass down in front of me, I knew immediately how the night would end.

During dinner, I picked at the salmon and asparagus I ordered. He finished almost all of his filet mignon, but when he was about to take his last bite...he put down his fork. “Sweetheart, so please update me and tell me what has been up with you….did I tell you that you look INCREDIBLE”he inquired. “Yes, you did tell me that quite a few times tonight already”I replied. He knew that it is not like me to remain so silent, regardless if we are no longer together we managed to salvage a little bit of a friendship. “So,lighten up baby and tell Daddy what you been up to”he said,in a sweet yet demanding voice. “Work and my fitness, nothing major” I said. I wanted to keep my answers short, to the point, so they will not lead to a further..a deeper inquisition.  His response was “okay, I see...you want to play coy with Daddy tonight...it’s all good Sweetie, I know you did not forget...that I know YOU Dream...even when you do not SPEAK...I KNOW what you are thinking”.  Oh really, this motherfucking sex crazed psycho thinks he’s Mista Cleo, my psychic friend now...wow, I thought to myself. And it's not like I had forgotten that I shared almost a decade of my life, with this man. Who happens to be thoroughly trained in law enforcement interrogation...so he knows how to get the answers he seeks without trying.  Soooo, what did I do? I gave him what he needed, a conversation...it was a dry one, but hey it was the least I could do. We talked about my family, the candidates who are running for President and my drastic weight loss...a conversation that should have stopped at the amount that I lost. Now mind you...we did not discuss “his new family” or “his updates” all topics were about MY LIFE. “Tell me Baby, how much weight are you down now” he asked. “Almost 100 pounds” I answered enthusiastically. I think he picked up on how my body language perked up when I spoke on my weight loss. Because my chattiness woke me up and the way he smiled while sipping his glass of Grand Marnier. His sips were long, the grins were devilish and I know he had an erection.

When he finally finished the 2 ounces of liquor he had left, he invited me back to his suite at the Loews Hotel. “Are you joining me for the rest of my evening”is how he asked me. I said “no thank you”at first, but when he grabbed me and forced his tongue down my throat while firmly massaging the rear lower portion of my neck. I felt so much life, yet lifeless in his arms...I was weak. I nodded my head “yes” repeatedly when Daddy asked me again “are you going to follow me back to my room”he slapped my ass and hard after question. “Are you happy to see me”(he smacks my ass)...”do you miss me”he asked and proceeded to slap my butt again.

This man...I mean Daddy...has become very fucking bold. We were outside of the restaurant waiting in the valet area, and patrons were onlooking as he chastised me, in this strange yet sexy manner. One guest had the nerve to yelled out “hey guy, I don’t think you hitting that ass heavy enough”. What in the world, that only encouraged him more. Mista who was slightly tipsy, walks over to the agreeing guest to receive a high five. All I could do was bury my face and shake my hands...this man is a trip!

He was shirtless and wearing basketball shorts when I got to the hotel, I had to stop by the store for some toiletries and a green tea (since I knew that I was going to wind up staying the entire night and I wasn’t sure when I’d make the 45 minute drive back to the suburbs). I was bullshitting at the store, just buying me time...I wanted to think long and hard with myself...was I ready to take on this venture with Mista (again).

At the hotel, there is barely any talking. From the time we met by the elevator until we actually reached the room our hands never left each other bodies. When he opened the room door,he had my bra in hand along with the items I purchased. He placed my things down, and pinned me against the wall. “You know what Daddy has ALWAYS told YOU, that you are mine until we both leave this Earth right? YOU know that I AM right”his voice deepened and seemed more darker (he is in his “Dominant” Dark Vader mode). “Why have you been so distant with Daddy...and why have you been giving away Daddy’s sweet pussy to that chump Sarge”he asked. “Don’t you know that you NEED this big dick right here and ONLY DADDY can give it to YOU just how YOU like”he explained. He then took me to sit on his lap, and he held me as if I was his personal doll. He stroked my hair, inhaled my perfume, and lastly he lifts up my dress to fondle my hard gumdrop nipples.

We are both in this office chair, he is grinding on me and I am holding the arms of the chair wearing only my Giuseppe heels. The lyrics to D’Angelo “How Does It Feel” is playing in my head. My head is swinging right to left, and my body begins to wind back. It was as if we were dancing. Daddy is seated, with a lap full of my ass, he starts to wipe his precum between the crack of my butt cheeks.

He allowed me to remain seated as he danced for me, his sexy body was all I saw in that room. He was moving like an exotic male dancer. The looks that we both exchanged were as if we never met, however, they are ever so sultry that it elicited mutual submission. Daddy slowly stroked his long hard dick for me, he used his control to stop his ejaculation. He came just enough to moisten my lips with the cum. The rest he said “I’m saving the rest of this nutt for my pussy”. The fight in my mind, that I had earlier at the store, was over. I am fully taken in by him.

We fucked and fucked until the sun came up. We went through two sets of linen. The first set, he fucked me so hard that I squirted and peed when I climaxed. The second linens were soaked with a combination of our sweat and cum. I don’t know what was in the food we ate and the drinks he had, but it made both of us sexually intoxicated. I told him it was the fact that I lost so much weight, my pussy shrunk which caused it to be tighter, and the drop in weight caused my sex drive to increase terribly higher. He said “no, we always had high sex drives babe...the weight loss played a small role in it, but our passion is undeniably strong”. He FUCK...was was right “Daddy you know what, you’re right” I had to agree.

I didn’t forget how he has that dick and mind control. The way he is able to stop himself from coming, is the most wondrous thing to witness. Also, I didn’t forget how he meticulously chooses his clothes and his cologne when he’s trying to swoon me. His efforts are like my own when I’m making an impression.

We (I) want you to recall each event of the time spent in (my) our presence, so when you're alone in your thoughts...there is an increased possibility that maybe you’ll be thinking of me.

And that is exactly, what I am doing...I am in the middle of a business brunch with a few colleagues, and I am thinking of Him. I swear the waiter is driving me crazy, not with the service he’s providing...but the Yves Saint Laurent scent has on...Daddy wears it. My legs are closed, but between them holds my pussy that’s dripping wet.

My phone had to be put on silent. I had it on vibrate but he kept sending me text messages “I still love you”....”how are you feeling today Sweetheart”...”when can I see you again”. When I did not reply, it resulted in him sending a video (with a delivery confirmation attached, so he knew I watched it). The video message was him in a suit, camera facing up at him...as he unzipped his pants to tease me with his massive veiny erect penis.

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve spoken to him after our “I miss you sex”/fuck-fest. I refuse to “go there” with him again, not right now. I’ve got a lot of good things going on in my life without him.  One is a million dollar contract on the table and the other is a new love in my life. The jury is still out on the new man, but he does “it” for me.

I must run now, it is my turn to lead the meeting discussion. I got to focus. Time to put my attention elsewhere. Bye for now Diary-I promise to try to compose more often.

Kisses,

~Dream~

DearDiary_IDKBoutSarg

Dear Diary:

A lot has happened since I last took the time to share with you the dramatic events of my life. He moved out,the last time I wrote a post. I was very upset, even though it was not a surprise to me that he picked up and left the way he did. I had a lot of thinking to do and a lot of decisions to be made. I wanted to be angry with him, I wanted to go after him, and I wanted to know who he was with. If you notice,I am not saying that I wanted him back...hell no,not after he left. He left what seemed like a good loving home,that we built together.

I did not want to chase after him because I did not have it in me to do that. Why?? What for, chase something that does not want to be mine any longer. Chase a man who could not be faithful to me..why would I do such a thing.  That is the biggest mistake women make, chase after a man that they know won't CHANGE for them. Fuck changing a man, what about simply letting go of your unhealthy ways, and embracing a more loving you. Those women chase the man based on their own insecurity. Those women fear being alone, I do not fear loneliness. What I do fear is being cheated on repeatedly. What I do fear is HIV/AIDS and God knows what else is out there besides freaking syphilis and that damned Ebola.

Our wedding engagement was cancelled before we could even hire a wedding planner. I'm shocked that he allowed me to keep the ring,hell,I was surprised that he has been so kind to me throughout all of this turmoil. Oh but, there is a reason why Mista is being the "Nice Guy", see all the time that he has been away from our household...he has been playing house with another...and she is expecting his child...yup-My(ex)Huny is having a baby with the woman he left home for. WOW!! When I found out,I almost fell to the floor,HIM having a baby on the way..the man who feared being a Father. The man who threatened me not to get pregnant in our earlier stages because he feared it would "ruin our careers". He once played with me while drinking and having rough sex.."I'm about to bust a nutt in that sweet pussy of yours"he announced. "Nooo,wait baby-make sure you pull out,I am ovulating...pull out baby please"I tell him. "UUUUUghhh,too fuckin late,I just came all up in your fertile pussy...and you better not get pregnant"he said. "You motherfucker"I replied, and jumped up,to rush off to the bathroom to pee out his cum. While I'm pissing in the bathroom,he begins to crack jokes, changing his voice to sound like Ike Turner. "Anna May..you better not get pregnant...or..or..or,Imma kill yo ass,Anna May,you hear me"he said. I looked around in the bathroom like a parrot,head turning,while I am still sitting on the toilet...I know he is NOT talking to me,I thought to myself. So, I just sat there, quiet as a mouse,pretending not to hear a word he was saying. I know every bit of 20 minutes passed before he got up to see if I was alright or had I fell asleep on the toilet. He creeps into the bathroom,peeps in the toilet area..."honey,you ok....you know I was just playing with you". I blinked a few times,gave him a blank expression,paused before I spoke...flushed the toilet and stood up to get eye-to-eye with him. "You do NOT EVER PLAY WITH ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN...DO YOU HEAR ME"I yelled, and poked my finger in his chest, then shoved him with my shoulder to get him out of my way.
And it was from that day forward,I knew that I was not going to have any children by his crazy ass....not until he matured. Even though,the thought of having a baby did enter my mind over the years. I would always revisit that day when he threatened me "playing" Ike Turner. My pregnant fantasy would quickly vanish. Which is why over the years, I made sure that I did not get myself pregnant.

After Mr.Man moved out, I spent a lot of time working, and traveling doing things I was afraid to do alone. I even took a few classes at the community arts&recreation center. I make sure that I am at a Zumba class on Wednesday nights, and I regularly attend a Zen yoga class.
At first when we separated my relationship with Sarge grew closer, and we were actually living together for a few months. I really enjoyed the closeness;however, I realized that I needed time for me...to heal. I had to heal my wounds from my relationship with Mr.Man so I can be a better partner for Sarge. Plus, I did not want to deal with Sarges' insecurities along with what I had to deal with emotionally...at the time,it was just too much to handle. Sarge has been married multiple times before, he has children, and grandchildren, and he has been cheated on, and he has been the cheater. So, he has some experience in life, and he also has some emotional baggage of his own,some that I am willing to deal with and other's I can't deal with while I am undergoing a life crisis of my own. He is an excellent guy overall,but at times I cannot help but think that he see me as a thing to possess, not an actual human being.
I've been trying to get Sarge to fuck me/make love to me like Mr.Man does, and it just does not happen the way HE does it. I mean, the sex is satisfying...its just too "soft" at times. I like the diversity of lovemaking...not the type that's always pump pump pump swirl swirl swirl,out and in,in and out..then you're done! Oh my goodness,that is so dry and boring..and who wants that kind of sex for the rest of their life. No wonder his last relationships did not work (I've said to myself after having sex with him many times). I believe Sarge likes to blame the fact that he's been in a uniform all of his life, his reason why his sex and outlook on intimacy is the way it is,possibly...but it can be adjusted..if HE wanted it to be. Sarge is former military and presently active in law enforcement and community politics...men in those positions are some of the BIGGEST freaks I know, therefore that is a big excuse he holds onto. Ha,I think he is just lazy and complacent. The way those co-workers of his eyeball me when I visit him for lunch or the stories they've shared with him about their loose swinger wives/girlfriends. Men in law enforcement, men in the military, men in powerful positions stay horny and super frisky. Sarge ass has decided to take the slow road when it comes to sex/fucking. When I attempt to remind him how he use to sex me multiple times in one night, he acts as if he has amnesia or something. That does nothing, but frustrate me even more. He has me thinking that he suffers from mild Alzheimers the way he forgets things at times...or he could have "selective memory"as my Mother taught me, that most men do suffering from,along with their selective hearing.
Now I did take myself to some group therapy classes, to see if it was something terribly wrong with me. I had to find out why I was having these feelings about our intimacy. I found out that I am a little bit of the blame, and he's the rest of the blame. Because since I am use to receiving sex on a much higher level, its like I've slowed down for Sarge, hence why I am feeling insatiable. I'm pleased with the sex;however, more time has to be put into it, to fulfill me totally. He figures if he slows down,let me(us)savor the moment,prolong the orgasm,that is what I need. That is incorrect. He also thinks too much while having sex, which at times will lead to him preejaculating and or loosing his erection during intercourse. Who knows what he's thinking of while stroking my pussy, but he needs to cut it out and focus on the energy and pleasing me.
I have been very patient with him because I truly love him. It's just frustrating when I try to talk to him about it, and he kinda sorta ignores it as if there's no issue with our intimacy. He figures if I am coming, and so is he, what in the hell is the problem. Well, the problem is that he can't do it harder or longer like he use to do when we first met. I know he can make love to me without needing medicine. He is being stubborn, he uses work as an excuse to why he can't stay the night now, and why we can't have sex and a date night, it now has to be either or...rarely both. He and I have not shared the same bed in a while now. 
I want to blame me living an alternative lifestyle with Mr.Man for  so long,why my sexual appetite is so high. I'm beginning to believe that I am too much for Sarge now, and he's realizing it, and I feel him now pulling back. I miss the serious,funny,sensual,intellectual, kinky time we have....the spiritual lovemaking that we've had...I miss it tremendously.
Nonetheless,I give him his space. I keep myself busy with work projects, my fitness, and redecorating my house. There are times I want to attend a poly meet up(a polyamory cocktail party or a swinger party-not sex based) with mutual friends,even though I know I'm not ready to be questioned on what happened with Mr.Man and I. I know that I would run into him at one because my friend in the lifestyle made a special call to me last month, to let me know she saw him mingling among the crowd (without the pregnant girlfriend).  There has been Friday nights where I've gotten dressed in my curve complimenting attire and killer heels,pushed the ignition to my ride...lifted the garage door,all dressed for a night on the town....only to come back home....with a green tea I grabbed from the corner gas station. I had every intention to go to a party or some damned where, but my mind would not allow me.  Once I played the attire evening out in my mind,hahaha!! I thought about how I would be looking so good, only to make Mr.Man feel some way to where he wanted me back. I would be looking very enticing, and appearing so happy that I would not his presence in the room. The night would go on, with him looking at me, and me not notice him watching me. And as the evening ends,whatever guy I was with, would walk me to my car, and ask if he could call me later...and as I exchange numbers with the guy Mr.Man comes out of the darkness to interrupt our conversation. He says something smartass to intimidate the guy, the guy leaves without giving me his number...and Mr.Man compliments me on how "happy" and more attractive I looked. I say nothing, I look him up and down, just feeling out the bullshit he was saying. He winds up sweet talking my panties off...well,he winds up getting back in my pussy because I don't wear panties anymore. We actually have sex, right there in the poly meet up venue parking lot...while others watched! He enjoyed that more than the pussy, I believe, because remember he is such a fucking show off.  It was that little scenario what played in my mind over and over. That prevented me from attending an outing among our friends.
Yes,right now I feel like I am playing myself by not being a true poly woman. I know I could easily get the sex, love, and intimacy I desire,but how many motherfuckers would I have to fuck with,in order to achieve that,I keep thinking. And would I ever get it in one area like I did with Mr.Man,I can't help but wonder(Mr.Man had the "magic stick"-a true Daddy Good Dick...such a fucker).
I don't know if I have patience to do the whole "weed and feed" process with guy's these day's. You feed those who you want to entertain/be with and you weed out those who you don't want...yes,a process indeed.
Sarge, is not a bad guy, like I've always said. He's very intelligent (I think he was a nerd coming up). He has more college degrees than I can name. He just recently received an honorary civil servant award from the Mayor's office.  He makes six figures a year, and he's well respected in the community. Next month, the children's hospital is naming a wing after him,for the time he's spent playing Santa or the Easter bunny. He's been donating his time, and some money to the children's hospital for over a decade. I remember us falling asleep once wrapping books, coloring books, and crayons for the kids at the hospital. Those kids mean a lot to him. 
Sarge,means a lot to me....he has a very good heart. Plus,he has a pretty thick dick, and I must mention a fierce sexy tongue.  Whatever he does with his cock, he can duplicate with his oral sex skills. I adore sucking him and I would lick him in any place of his body, without 2nd guessing. He treats me with the utmost respect, he has never cursed at me, or put his hands on me...and I know there was times, I could have pushed him to that point...with my wicked mouth. Something about Sarge, that warrants my love, it keeps me near him, and elicits patience. We have that "executive" love because he is such a corporate type...a disciplined dude, seasoned...mature....stubborn in his own way, yet he can handle my bratty, demanding and super seductive side. His freak level is equal to mine, its just he needs confidence coaching at times, and I know as you age performance anxiety has a lot to do with why things occur sexually. I hope he figures that out on his own,since he won't listen to me anymore. Most sensational women wouldn't be bothered with what I undergo at times,that's because they don't mind the whole "weed and feed" process. I've not matured to that level, just yet.
The only thing I can do, is work on my life, and grow as a woman. And if extending my love to him is in the plan for the day, then so be it. I have to remember the man he was when we first met, and how he use to be with me....and the energy that still resides between us...allow that to satisfy me. And who knows,maybe the feeling that I'm thinking of may just come to life again in him too...and the sex and intimacy will be restored to what it once was.
I must run now,I'm curling my hair,getting ready for Sarge and I evening out. He's taking me for a ride in his brand new car. I bought this new dress,I hope that he likes. I'm not wearing anything but a bra underneath, I have to allow my ass cheeks and pussy juices bless his new leather seats. My nipples are hard as Michelin rubber, thinking of his thick dick coming (while he's steady fucking me) as it slips out of my juicy pussy. Yes,he does precum(&) or preejaculate,something he thinks I do not like, but I do LOVE it! I love to see his hard cock pour hot cum,then to watch him put it back in...his face red...and my body humming from the mutual chemistry. Oh my,I'm feeling the need to rub my clit before he arrives,oh my.
Until next time,
~Dream~

Dear Diary_HisSexyAuthorityArousesMe

Dear Diary:

I know it has been what seems like forever since I composed in you. I was sitting with my legs crossed sipping on a glass of Trader Joe’s Pinot Noir,doing absolutely nothing special when I realized how overdue I am to update you. Please forgive me for not taking the time to spend with you. I've been busy preparing for upcoming seminars and I've been working out a lot getting this body ready for the summer.

I have picked up new hobbies,productive interest and extra work to keep me busy because he was given an assignment that took him out of the country for six months. So, I have been in this big house by myself (but not really,ha).

Tonight I'm resting from having a freaky yet sensual evening with Sarge. He stopped by after his shift today. I tried to stop by the market before he arrived, but when he called he was a few minutes away so I had ran out of time. I wanted to surprise him with a nice home cooked meal by me, which is a rarity that I get a chance to cook for him because of the hours he works now.

When I pulled into the subdivision I saw his car parked in front of my mailbox. I’m not sure how long he was waiting on me,I thought he would be fussing at me for not being home. Surprisingly, he was not upset, I was shocked. I guess he was just happy to see me. It was nice to see him again.

His light eyes always draw me in to where I lose my focus when I'm speaking to him. We greeted each other with our usual kiss and hug,and he gave my ass a firm smack as I walked in front of him. I jumped and giggled then asked “wow,what was that for”. His reply,”you’ve have been a bad little girl,keeping this soft ass from me”. I said in a sarcastic tone,”no way,not me,you know where I live,and you know when this ass is available..so YOUR fault”.

I threw together a couple of sandwiches,sliced a green apple,and that was our dinner. When “dinner” was over, he massaged my feet while we watched his favorite movie “Major Payne”. There was no sex or foreplay during the movie,only laughing and my sensual foot rub. I wanted to stop him after 20 minutes of the foot rub, to see if he would try to make a move, but I forgot how he gets during his “favorite movie”. He’s like a kid, glued to the T.V. set.

I respected his movie time, but soon as the credits started rolling it was sexy time...haha. Since we were still on the lower level of the house, I didn't want to run upstairs to grab my baby oil, so I slid into the kitchen and grabbed the olive oil. I put olive oil on my tits,ass,and thighs.

Sarge was naked with his back turned, reading something on his Ipad. I tiptoed in the room, and put my fingernails into his waist then ran them up his back. He flinched then got goosebumps along with a massive erection. My reaction,I stood in front of it and bent my behind over to show off my glossy body. Within moments he had his dick deep in me,fucking me from the back. I had one leg in the chair and the other on the T.V. table. It felt like I was doing a split, with my juicy legs parted West and East at the same time. My face was turned slightly, so I could see Sarge facial expressions while he tackling my big ole booty. His face went from super serious with an occasional smile. Sarge is older than myself;however, his youthful self came out when he was in my pussy. He looked like he was shooting 3 pointers from the free throw line. And every time I squeezed my pussy on his dick, that serious face came back...haha. That’s my sneak move, to put my snapper on him because I want to feel the thick head of his penis get even larger and pulse against my walls.

He had my pussy so wet,that it was farting. I think it was because he put his finger in my asshole while he was fucking me from behind. I couldn’t talk sexy to him like I usually do, it was just too good. All I could do was pant,moan and say “ahh...ahhh… ahhhhhhaaa”. He was giving it to me good. The only thing that was missing, him pulling my hair from the back, and spanking my ass telling me how “bad” of a girl I’ve been.

I had to switch positions with him,I felt like he was going to cum and I was not ready to be done. I made me sit down on my leather armless “therapy” chaise lounge chair. I then straddled my plump thighs across him. Sucking on his tongue,our eye’s locked, my booty dropped into his lap. I began to ride the Sergeant rodeo. Oh my goodness, I love how wet my pussy gets when I ride him, she just spits and squirts my nectar all over him. He’s always soaked from his ass crack up to his navel when the ride is over. It has to be the passion between us that makes me so profusely moist when we are having sex. Although we do not see each other every day,the time we spend feels as if we paused time, and start where we left off...and it’s better each time we fuck.

I truly love Sarge, and without a doubt I know he loves me. If I had my way, I would spend the rest of my life with him. He’s full of knowledge and goal oriented, that is such a turn on to me. His sense of humor is ridiculous. No one gets to see the side of him that I do, an even more of a arousal for me. I get a kick out of sneaking up to the precinct, to see him in “action’. Once I overheard him speaking to a subordinate,his supercilious voice intimidated me. I promise you that I had to go wipe my dripping pussy before I left out. Everything that represents authoritative when it comes to Sarge has me in awe. I know kind of crazy, most fear a person who has a tight face that gives off no emotion.  Not I because you know what….the eye’s don’t lie. I know that he wants me to discontinue my relationship with my Huny. From the things that he has said to the things that he has done, like sending my fiance’ away on assignment for half a year.  Sarge knew that my Huny and I were planning our wedding, but everything had to stop when this “unexpected” top secret job assignment came up.

Fuck, I’m having a blissful moment right now. I am not in my right mind. Sarge has his flaws, and its the main reason why I stayed away. His jealous and controlling side was showing even when he wouldn’t have time to see me, he would keep my Huny on the worse cases. Those cases had my man up at night pacing the floor, there were times I had to hold him like a child in order for him to go to sleep. My baby was born to be an officer, but he has a weak spot in his heart for the kiddies. All of his cases with crimes against kids, he takes to heart. And I believe that Sarge knows that about him, so yes, he does the shit on purpose.  Also, Sarge has called him to do personal security for celebs and rich folk on important holidays,hell even one of my birthdays he arranged for him to work so that he could take me out instead of my man.

Yeah, Sarge can be a motherfucker. I thought he was a family man, I was wrong. All of his children are grown, he rarely spends time with them. He’s a chronic workaholic, his wife passed away over 10 years ago, now he is married to the shield.

I have to think very long and hard, if I had the option of being with him instead of my Huny. We are a very active couple, we travel, we have common friends, and we are very sexually active. Sarge loves sex just as much as we do;however,he can go without it longer than I've ever went, and that’s the part I dislike. My fear is that he and I settle down together and he becomes this romantic fucking machine the first year. Then after that he cuts back on the intimacy, to focus more on work….then what I am left to do?! Going back to my Huny for dick, but the tables would turned,I’d be cheating on Sarge with my ex fiance’.

Oh brother, let me finish my glass of wine. My mind is a circus. I may need to keep my good tight,wet pussy and fire blowjobs to myself until my Huny returns. The more time I spend with Sarge the worse things will be, and ultimately I will have a decision to make.

He’s very attentive to my needs when we are together. In addition to,the sex being so damn good to me. And the fact he has power over many, and I have dominion over his heart and mature mind fascinates me.

My wine has my dozing off while typing.Til next time.

Yours truly,

~Dream~

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