Dear Diary:
I know, I know it has been a very long time since I sat down and open you up. I have been dealing with life, and not having too many moments to just sit down in front of you. When I do have a moment to myself, there is no electronics in hand and no sharing allowed. The only exchange is the communing between me and the Creator. Yes, I have increased, incorporated new things in my life, to provide balance.
Sarge and I are STILL in a very odd place right now. We communicate often, but our sex life is almost at a stand still. He has been dealing with a new job position, so more wages mean more duties, and of course less time to spend with me. We did attempt to attend counseling sessions together with a non traditional counselor. In our last session, Sarge disclosed that he was suffering from PTSD, and it messes with his sex drive and memory. “Well damn,I was right”I thought to myself as I sat next to him, holding his hand...pretending to be in disbelief. But hell, I knew it all along. The signs have always been there, all that was left was for him to say it out of his mouth. I knew that it was his pride, and fear of rejection that kept him from sharing this with me.
The counselor really did not help, he commended me for understanding what Sarge goes through and he made some suggestions to Sarge about rejuvenating our bedroom passion. Sarge agreed that he would try each one, and vowed to make allocated nights “all about Dream”. Well, he lied….his promise expired when he received his promotion. That is when the workload increased and his libido became extinct.
The last time Sarge and I made love, he did not reach orgasm. Due to his dick unwilling to achieve a full erection. I wanted to blame the fact that he became startled at a flash, he thought he saw in the closet. He jumped out of my pussy,to dash into the closet...because he thought he saw someone in there. “So, you thought someone was in the closet, and holding a camera too”-I said. I was puzzled. Did Sarge think I had paparazzi...what the fuck. Sarge tore up the closet, only to find a beaded body chain. His face was bright red, his forehead glowed from cold sweat. The look on my face was priceless. I am 1000%, it spoke volumes. I am positive my face said “this fucker is crazy as a loon”. However, my reaction did not match my facial expression. After he washed the sweat from his pale fear stricken face, I reached out to him. My lips pouting,head titled to the side,and my arms open for him to come receive my consoling affection. Holding him felt as if I were comforting a child I had given birth to. At that moment,I did not judge him, and no thoughts crossed my mind to abandon the relationship. It was actually arousing, to hold this powerful man in my embrace. I could not help myself, after what 30 minutes of cuddling Sarge….my “Motherly” instincts were put aside. The horny woman in me, wanted his meaty dick! I did everything in my sexy repertoire, to get his cock revved up….nothing happened. I mean...his dick would rise then fall, it wouldn’t stay hard for shit! Now, the “understanding” woman that I am...I blamed it on the food we ate prior to sex and I kept reassuring him that it was “okay” that we couldn’t complete our lovemaking. It did not matter what I said to Sarge, he did not like that his dick was not cooperating with him. After going back and forth about it, I had enough of the debate. He did not believe me, when I confessed that I came 6 times prior to him leaping toward the closet. I got out of the bed, to head downstairs for a glass of water. On my way downstairs, I almost tripped over his work boots and pants. Out of frustration,I moved the boots, and threw his slacks at him. As the pants hurled in the air, his change and a prescription bottle fell out the pockets. Boyyyy….I tell you…..you should have seen how quick Sarge ass moved butt naked from under those covers...and he was supposed to be asleep,hahaha!! He scurried to retrieve the contents of his pockets before they hit the floor. He tried his hardest to grab the prescription bottle before my hands picked it up. The bottle landed near me, so I bent to give it to him. He froze in his tracks. I read the label, and the medicine is for high blood pressure. I asked him”when did you start taking medicine for hypertension”. He bowed his head and replied “I’ve been taking it for a year now, but I was off it when I first met you”. My mind started thinking a 100 miles per hour...my next question “so THIS is the real cause of your libido problems...ya think”. “I mean it could be very well, a slight reason for the challenges Honey”he said.
Man, DAMN...I was too pissed that day with Sarge. All this time, and all this shit he has going on healthwise….I could not help but think a part of the distance occurring was about ME not being loving enough...but sweet Mary,Martha,Joseph and Jacob….the man has a CHRISTMAS list of contributing factors why his dick is not performing at full mass and occasionally pulling a NO SHOW. From the garbage food cops tend to consume to the job stress to the PTSD, the depression and NOW the medicine...no fucking wonder his dick is on DOA...limp noodle status.
Over and over, I’ve tried to understand Sarge and plug into the passion we have as friends and lovers….right now, I can’t do it. It is too many reasons to list, why a break is needed from him and I. It is simply too much work on my part to do, and right now….mentally...I do not have the patience to do it. Why? When HE has allowed his little boy shame and insecurities take president over his masculine dynamite King energy. He makes numerous excuses why he can’t make it to dinner or when he does come around...he’s coming to use me as his emotional dumping ground.
UUUGHHH!! Let me change the subject, just writing about that Sarge, is bringing up too many draining emotions. I’ll come back to him...let me discuss “Mista”man/Honey Bunny.
Mista and I were done, the last I wrote. Wellll…..it was almost a year since I had any contact physically with him....guess who showed up with an invitation to our favorite restaurant and guess who (like a dummy) said yes? Yup….that guy...and yes my silly self did say yes that I would meet him.
On the night, I was scheduled to meet Mista I was 30 minutes late arriving to dinner. I just knew that when I got there, he would have left to only curse me out, and say that he is blocking my number. Shit, that was what I was hoping that would happen anyway...haha! When I got there, parking wasn’t available, so I had to utilize the restaurant valet service (what he suggested that I do because he knows how much I hate walking in my 5 inch heels). The parking attendant opened my door, and another guy named “Marcus” came to my aid. Marcus (the Maitre d’) grabbed my hand to help me get out of my car, and handed me a dozen roses that were hidden behind his back. “Wow, these are beautiful...thank you Marcus, who are these from”I asked. “Madame, these are from a gentleman awaiting your presence”. I smiled and the swing in my hips increased as we reached the table where Mista stood, taking in the view of me.
When I got to the table, I wanted to hug him...no...I am lying. I wanted to rip his fucking clothes off, and fuck him right there in the middle of the restaurant. But instead, I did nothing. I observed him and kept the conversational exchange to a minimum. From the moment, he pushed in my chair...the shenanigans began. He stood behind my chair to pull aside my hair, and applied a soft warm kiss,to the left side of my neck. My eye’s fluttered and rolled toward the back of head. My right hand caressed his caramel colored bald scalp. That sweet kiss, turned into him sucking, licking and biting into my neckline….it happened so quickly, but it seemed like hours that he was attached to my neck. When he finally sat his ass down in front of me, I knew immediately how the night would end.
During dinner, I picked at the salmon and asparagus I ordered. He finished almost all of his filet mignon, but when he was about to take his last bite...he put down his fork. “Sweetheart, so please update me and tell me what has been up with you….did I tell you that you look INCREDIBLE”he inquired. “Yes, you did tell me that quite a few times tonight already”I replied. He knew that it is not like me to remain so silent, regardless if we are no longer together we managed to salvage a little bit of a friendship. “So,lighten up baby and tell Daddy what you been up to”he said,in a sweet yet demanding voice. “Work and my fitness, nothing major” I said. I wanted to keep my answers short, to the point, so they will not lead to a further..a deeper inquisition. His response was “okay, I see...you want to play coy with Daddy tonight...it’s all good Sweetie, I know you did not forget...that I know YOU Dream...even when you do not SPEAK...I KNOW what you are thinking”. Oh really, this motherfucking sex crazed psycho thinks he’s Mista Cleo, my psychic friend now...wow, I thought to myself. And it's not like I had forgotten that I shared almost a decade of my life, with this man. Who happens to be thoroughly trained in law enforcement interrogation...so he knows how to get the answers he seeks without trying. Soooo, what did I do? I gave him what he needed, a conversation...it was a dry one, but hey it was the least I could do. We talked about my family, the candidates who are running for President and my drastic weight loss...a conversation that should have stopped at the amount that I lost. Now mind you...we did not discuss “his new family” or “his updates” all topics were about MY LIFE. “Tell me Baby, how much weight are you down now” he asked. “Almost 100 pounds” I answered enthusiastically. I think he picked up on how my body language perked up when I spoke on my weight loss. Because my chattiness woke me up and the way he smiled while sipping his glass of Grand Marnier. His sips were long, the grins were devilish and I know he had an erection.
When he finally finished the 2 ounces of liquor he had left, he invited me back to his suite at the Loews Hotel. “Are you joining me for the rest of my evening”is how he asked me. I said “no thank you”at first, but when he grabbed me and forced his tongue down my throat while firmly massaging the rear lower portion of my neck. I felt so much life, yet lifeless in his arms...I was weak. I nodded my head “yes” repeatedly when Daddy asked me again “are you going to follow me back to my room”he slapped my ass and hard after question. “Are you happy to see me”(he smacks my ass)...”do you miss me”he asked and proceeded to slap my butt again.
This man...I mean Daddy...has become very fucking bold. We were outside of the restaurant waiting in the valet area, and patrons were onlooking as he chastised me, in this strange yet sexy manner. One guest had the nerve to yelled out “hey guy, I don’t think you hitting that ass heavy enough”. What in the world, that only encouraged him more. Mista who was slightly tipsy, walks over to the agreeing guest to receive a high five. All I could do was bury my face and shake my hands...this man is a trip!
He was shirtless and wearing basketball shorts when I got to the hotel, I had to stop by the store for some toiletries and a green tea (since I knew that I was going to wind up staying the entire night and I wasn’t sure when I’d make the 45 minute drive back to the suburbs). I was bullshitting at the store, just buying me time...I wanted to think long and hard with myself...was I ready to take on this venture with Mista (again).
At the hotel, there is barely any talking. From the time we met by the elevator until we actually reached the room our hands never left each other bodies. When he opened the room door,he had my bra in hand along with the items I purchased. He placed my things down, and pinned me against the wall. “You know what Daddy has ALWAYS told YOU, that you are mine until we both leave this Earth right? YOU know that I AM right”his voice deepened and seemed more darker (he is in his “Dominant” Dark Vader mode). “Why have you been so distant with Daddy...and why have you been giving away Daddy’s sweet pussy to that chump Sarge”he asked. “Don’t you know that you NEED this big dick right here and ONLY DADDY can give it to YOU just how YOU like”he explained. He then took me to sit on his lap, and he held me as if I was his personal doll. He stroked my hair, inhaled my perfume, and lastly he lifts up my dress to fondle my hard gumdrop nipples.
We are both in this office chair, he is grinding on me and I am holding the arms of the chair wearing only my Giuseppe heels. The lyrics to D’Angelo “How Does It Feel” is playing in my head. My head is swinging right to left, and my body begins to wind back. It was as if we were dancing. Daddy is seated, with a lap full of my ass, he starts to wipe his precum between the crack of my butt cheeks.
He allowed me to remain seated as he danced for me, his sexy body was all I saw in that room. He was moving like an exotic male dancer. The looks that we both exchanged were as if we never met, however, they are ever so sultry that it elicited mutual submission. Daddy slowly stroked his long hard dick for me, he used his control to stop his ejaculation. He came just enough to moisten my lips with the cum. The rest he said “I’m saving the rest of this nutt for my pussy”. The fight in my mind, that I had earlier at the store, was over. I am fully taken in by him.
We fucked and fucked until the sun came up. We went through two sets of linen. The first set, he fucked me so hard that I squirted and peed when I climaxed. The second linens were soaked with a combination of our sweat and cum. I don’t know what was in the food we ate and the drinks he had, but it made both of us sexually intoxicated. I told him it was the fact that I lost so much weight, my pussy shrunk which caused it to be tighter, and the drop in weight caused my sex drive to increase terribly higher. He said “no, we always had high sex drives babe...the weight loss played a small role in it, but our passion is undeniably strong”. He FUCK...was was right “Daddy you know what, you’re right” I had to agree.
I didn’t forget how he has that dick and mind control. The way he is able to stop himself from coming, is the most wondrous thing to witness. Also, I didn’t forget how he meticulously chooses his clothes and his cologne when he’s trying to swoon me. His efforts are like my own when I’m making an impression.
We (I) want you to recall each event of the time spent in (my) our presence, so when you're alone in your thoughts...there is an increased possibility that maybe you’ll be thinking of me.
And that is exactly, what I am doing...I am in the middle of a business brunch with a few colleagues, and I am thinking of Him. I swear the waiter is driving me crazy, not with the service he’s providing...but the Yves Saint Laurent scent has on...Daddy wears it. My legs are closed, but between them holds my pussy that’s dripping wet.
My phone had to be put on silent. I had it on vibrate but he kept sending me text messages “I still love you”....”how are you feeling today Sweetheart”...”when can I see you again”. When I did not reply, it resulted in him sending a video (with a delivery confirmation attached, so he knew I watched it). The video message was him in a suit, camera facing up at him...as he unzipped his pants to tease me with his massive veiny erect penis.
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve spoken to him after our “I miss you sex”/fuck-fest. I refuse to “go there” with him again, not right now. I’ve got a lot of good things going on in my life without him. One is a million dollar contract on the table and the other is a new love in my life. The jury is still out on the new man, but he does “it” for me.
I must run now, it is my turn to lead the meeting discussion. I got to focus. Time to put my attention elsewhere. Bye for now Diary-I promise to try to compose more often.
Kisses,
~Dream~
