Dear Diary:
Its Sweetest Day, I am getting ready to go out on the town this evening. I want to stay in with my teddy bear, in my Target cotton PJ's, eyes glued to my Samsung HDTV.
I feel sexy, I am happy, but I am missing a small part of me. A part of me is floating somewhere in the far beyond and it does not want to come back...lol...probably dreading this evening out.
I am going to be in a room full of people, yet all I want is to be held close and kissed gently upon my neck. Nothing major, just that simple. A warm embrace, on a chilly fall night....priceless.
I am so spoiled by my fans and admirers, I should be whole...not even close. Pieces of me are missing....some parts I have given away....never to be returned.....and the rest wore off by improper "use",so they are out for repair...lol...those parts are on backorder.
A close friend of mine offered himself to me,I am undecided if I should take him up on his offer. He does not want a sexxxy display. He just wants to listen to me, and help where he can. He means well, but I do not want to cross into uncharted waters with him. Emotions will take you to places, you do not want to go or need to go with certain people.
His hugs are innocent, and the tears that we share are genuine. We have had some of the same struggles, so I do not make a big deal out of seeing a man cry.
The more I think about it, the more I am leaning to staying home....he just called and invited me over....he joked about spooning while watching DVDs tonight...and he will provide the Kleenex.
Ok,off goes the stiletto's and the MAC make up...I am spending time with my friend tonight, my EVO will get turned off soon....as I unwind and distress from all the extra bullshit that has been coming at me. Those people who said they loved or wanted to marry me, and cannot stop thinking about me....will not be thought of or brought up during this true friend time....nothing sexual will occur, which makes this really special. And yes,he has seen me naked....but we are grown,so shit like that does not matter.
At the moment, I am freakin teary eyed,so wild that a woman like me has spent time with various types of people finds simplicity in a quiet evening barefoot close to a platonic friend. Men in my life are either unappreciative of my realness or unqualified to provide such emotional support to me,so why try to get something out of an incompetent source. And the ones who are all that and then some, are not available completely to me....and that totally sucks ass.
I have to keep this writing short and brief,enough of myself has been divulged....oh well,eat it up...you evil forces that love to see my downs and want to know about my everything including,my pains.
Enjoy your Sweetest Day,hopefully it is spent with a real friend.
~Dream~
