Dear Diary:
I am up early this morning,on this official first day of summer. I have a few hours to play without a child of mine in sight,wow-a rare occasion, so why not write something.
My Blackberry is on silent, I had my V8,so I feel like I am on the top of the world this morning. No, I did not wake up to some morning wood. My mind is not bogged down with stress, and my heart is not heavy with trouble. I feel lighter this week due to cutting off some family members that were taking advantage of my kindness. Yes,sometimes its family not those in the streets who fuck you over.
Although my heart is not heavy, I am pondering a few characters and one individual in my life. I guess the easiest way I was told to deal with something, is to break it down to the simplest form...so I will do that this morning one by one.
Let's see who shall I pick apart first? LOL......ok,I will start with my Xmen,the characters that they are. Typical assholes and jerks, yup-you had me,so why concern yourself with what or whom I am doing now. IDK-nosy....curious,either way they are back to fan status,no more chances with me.
My Xman I named "Hostile"aka "Mr.Take Over Brother"he is being salty because I shared that I was involved with someone younger than himself,this stopped his stalker calls at 4am, and he quit begging to come spend the weekend to lay up and do absolutely nothing. He's being childish, I offered my friendship minus the sex,but I guess he cannot be a man and accept that...oh well.
Next there is my last Xman "Mr"he&I are amicable for the most still,but he is jealous I am back dating, I believe he was happy when I was moping over him, and building a wall up for anybody who came at me. I woke up to a text message from him sent at 2am, he tried to slick say I was too close to comfy with my next door neighbor. Guess he thinks I am doing him or was creeping with him when he was living with me. Um hell no,sad he thinks I am that type of woman and besides the neighbor is so not my type. By the way,he's not shared that he is involved with someone yet because he STILL wants to appear like he is the "good guy"working and not paying women no attention. He truly thinks, I am a fool. Its all good because we know that he left Atlanta to be with another woman or took one to Texas with him.
Moving along to the Tenderonie, OMG-this guy is truly a fucking work of art. A liar, and he flexed on Facebook about a hook up I was going to give him,and I revoked that upon reading the post. I have to HAVE to divulge his real age,omy I know its horrible, I hate to even write it....23! That tall string bean is only 23, I found out when he was speaking with a business associate of mine who happens to also be in the music production industry as well. He told me he was 26,that was still cutting it close,but damn 23,that is only 8years older than my oldest child. Yes, the thrill is gone. He flex on Facebook and on other things too, then lied about his age. Major strikes and a turn off. WTF can he do for me besides sling some dick?!
Yesterday Tenderonie called to ask can he come by and chill with me today because he needed to escape. Why is that? Why me? I know that I have said "come to this oasis,this island of me"but damn,that erotic poetic proclamation was not for the random man. That saying I came up with was clearly for my lover and my man. I am not a refuge for wayward men. I know my name is "Dream",but damn. I've already blocked his number,but he can text me. I have said that I am not having sex any longer til my birthday,ok...so what, I was not direct by saying "I am no longer sleeping with you".
I just figured out why I was not direct with my last message to the Tenderonie. I do not want to hurt him by saying I don't want his dick no more, I do not care what he is going through because he brought on this particular situation,and he is grown.
Lastly, I have someone else who say he's interested in me. He and I were suppose to attend the Braves game together last week,but my hectic family life put the brakes on that date night. I hated to cancel on him, I really want to date him,but I feel I am being apprehensive. He's a analyzer, that can be a good and bad thing. Often guys like that read stuff totally wrong, and trying to figure me out and the dynamics of my occupation will drive him nuts. He claims he can handle it, and wants a relationship with the "real" me,he likes the chick in front of the camera, but wants to know the woman,the MILF-the "real"me. That is fine, but I did explain to him that I am harder on the men who know me online and especially if you have seen me naked before meeting me in person.
I like him, not too crazy about the fact he is from Decatur and he has a big dick that I cannot touch til I get to know who he really is. (I've met his representative,now I want to meet the real him.)
Oh yeah, I felt that monster dick of his on my thigh when he surprised me with a hug then a kiss. He is a great kisser, my lips were very comfortable against his.
I am scared,that kiss gave me some powerful energy. The sexual energy I sense with him is very intense, very scary. I got to remain calm, date him, and let things happen naturally. It sucks that he is fully in the know of who I am, he knows how sexual of a person I can be. On the contrary, that is not all I am about, so I must take my time with him, I want him for my own. That is so selfish of me, but I want my name all over his dick, and no I do not want to share him with anyone....maybe his employer, and family-that is about it.
Like I do not give a fuck about the Tenderonie, and damn all my Xmen-this new crush, I want to be deemed "Property of Dream". I want my name...real and persona tatt'd on his neck or back,lol....I am so serious.com.
I made such a selfish statement to him,maybe it was the Mojitos talking,but I told him that I wanted him and I to go get tested before we had sex. BECAUSE I want to feel all of him no barriers, I want free range to do anything with him and he can do likewise. Hot damn, I am getting wet just thinking about it.
Wait hold up,back to reality I have got to get to know him first. I researched our Zodiac signs, not a good pair, but fuck it I am going to try it out anyway. I am going to date him the traditional way, everything should be cool. Long as I start "acting" like I want a relationship,lol...my homeboy told me I wasn't....and as long as he doesn't have any game in these beginning stages-we are double cool;however,if I detect an ounce of game, I am yielding and taking another course of action. I won't dismiss him,just change the outcome.
Its hard being my man because I do like communication, quality time, but I do not like being smothered-I like an equal balance of all,I so do not like initiating sex or anything ALL the damn time...I know men are not mind readers, but shit I am simple-I want time spent,I want my time away from you, and I want sex with only you....get's no easier than that.
Let's see if he can get it right.
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
