Dear Diary Things Are Changing Jan11_2016

Dear Diary:

It is kinda late, and I have finished catching up on all of the missed episodes on the DVR. The kettle was screaming for me, to turn it off...so now I am up listening to old school music and sipping tea. I could not resist, I had to open you up, to spill what has been floating about in my mind.

Well, he and I are back good from that last argument. I really want to elaborate more on what happened, but not at this time.

I’ve been spending a lot of time alone lately, and getting more in tune with myself. I spent most of the holidays alone, I saw my family briefly. He has been working a lot of overtime,but for some odd reason,I'm okay with that. I guess I’ve grown accustomed to the schedule of having a man in law enforcement.

The other day,he tried to hold me during my sleep, but I did not want him touching me. I’ve been having some horrible nightmares lately and sleep has not been a friend of mine. I know why I am not able to rest,its work related and my ass is upset that he is working more hours. His new shift change has us in a weird "funky" place right now. First of all,it is a different life when you work during the day, and your mate works at night. For years, I’ve been use to being held at night by him and yes it is tough sleeping in a Shaq sized King bed alone or not sleeping at all until he comes in...and occasionally he does not come home at all.

I don’t mind spending time with myself;however,it's getting to me. My mind is my friend, and at times my mind is my enemy. I’m doing all I can-focusing on my career,working out 5 days per week. BUT-the minute I get a break to myself my focus is on him...I want him and bad...and then the next I cannot stand to hear his voice. I want to be loved, and cared for...but sometimes when he is around me I want to push him away. Why?? Because we’ve been missing out on those simple days when we would hangout together. We are so out of sync that he no longer knows when I am feeling moody, he use to know exactly what I needed from a foot rub to a couple scoops of white turtle ice cream. Each time we sit down to a meal, he speaks on nothing more than his day at work. As a matter of fact, that is all he seems to want to talk about is work,not us.

Two weeks ago, it was raining, cold and windy outside. I stayed up with him, during his entire shift texting him my thoughts...sexy thoughts of him and I. When he got off, I had a hot bath waiting for him and breakfast. He was dog tired,I could tell the way he dragged himself out of the car, and damned near crawled upstairs. Seeing him like that, made me want to cater to him so much more.

I helped him get undressed, and I allowed him to get comfortable in the tub before I sat in a chair beside him. I just wanted to connect with him. I wanted to feed him the bagels and fruit (what I had out for breakfast) as he soaked, but instead I listened to him without interrupting. I know that is all he wants at times, is for me to shut up and hear how his day went. This morning I had to give him that after seeing how tired he was, the night shift did kick the shit out of his ass.

I listened and listened as he went on about events that were made for an episode of Cop’s. Anxious,I couldn’t stay seated the entire time, as he spoke, so I grabbed a washcloth and I began to wash him. The minute my hand touched his washcloth his penis rose up from underneath the water, as if it were away in a coma. I tried not mention it, but I had to (hahaha). I said “oh my look who is here and ready to party”. He looked down and shook his head in agreement and continued speaking.

I washed every single inch of his tired yet handsome body. I washed between his toes and behind his scrotum, I left his ass crack for him to do though. It had been a minute since I did something like that for him. I did not mind. Actually, I was very turned on by washing/grooming him. It's something about me...and him...we do not mind worshipping each other. He has scratched out dandruff from my scalp, and I have cleaned his hairy booger filled nose.

OMG!!! See, this is the shit that I am missing...no WE are missing….tending to each other and OFTEN!! He’s too busy trying to save the planet, and I am too busy trying to save myself from myself..that we forgotten to invest in what we have that is precious and important--each other!!

I am so glad that I took my time massaging him after he got out of the tub. It made him so much more sweeter. AND to feel his muscles go from tense to relax as I kneaded out the knots in his back, was something very sensual to experience. AND the look on his face, was to die for. He was like a little baby who was dipped in honey butter. The satisfaction on his face was something that filled me up with joy that lasted for days.

After the massage, I whispered in his ear “I am now going to kiss each part of your body". And that I surely did...you name it-I kissed it. I forgot to mention, that during the massage and the sweet kisses he was blindfolded too. His steady massive erection was screaming for me to suck him, and abandon the rest of his body. I didn't stop, to solely tend to his erect thick dick. Of course, I did massage and kiss his cock too. The best part of the kisses and massage was me “ordering” him to get on all fours. I told him to lean on his elbows and keep his butt in the air. Then I said for him to “spread em” so that I could massage,suck and kiss his dick from the back. My hands, and face were oily...I used both to please him. I wanted to stick my tongue in his asshole, but I blew into it gently and continued to lick, suck, and kiss him everywhere else-with him still on his knees...with his ass in my face. I think I even bit into his buttocks….I do not know what overcame me, it's just something about pleasure..and pleasing THIS man. WE have no limitations. There is nothing too kinky when it comes to our pleasure.

When the time came for him to enter me,he was wanting to do all these fancy sex positions. All I wanted was for him to lay on top of me, and slide inside slow and stroke me deep. And he did just that, except he added a hook-swivel move to his stroke this time...that made a big difference in the lovemaking. He gave me such good strokes, that I was in tears. I kept touching his face, and kissing him the entire time. It was just that incredibly good, something we’ve not had in awhile….some intense spiritual type sex.

When he released inside of me,I felt the weight of his week and all of the emotions he had been holding back from me. All I could do was hug him tight, and allow the good in him to fill me...as we both panted from such an high energetic exchange.

Its midnight, I am sure they are finished with roll call. I want to call him, but I think I will message him. I have to share with him, that every since that morning....I have been wanting to disengage...not from him but from the lifestyle that we’ve been living.
Until next time,
~Dream~©2016 Thick Dream Productions/Ms.Atlanta Thick~Dream~

Dear Diary He Has Me Hot Tonight NOT In A Good Way

Dear Diary:

I have locked myself in the bathroom, and I grabbed you only because I fear what I may do to this man. I have no one else to talk to, and no one would really care to hear about this continued saga bullshit.

I had a little something to drink and I popped a pill earlier to calm my nerves. It seems to be counteracting with each other. I am almost in a panic state and I feel like I want to totally kick this mans ass!

After he pissed me off today, I damn near ran his fucking ass over with my Mercedes. He thought that I was playing with him, I am not sure why because we have been dealing with each other for the longest, so to assume that I was not serious was just utterly foolish...and it almost cost him his sorry ass life.

I know that I am composing this in an altered and angry state, but fuck-some of this has to be released before I really hurt him. I am so sick of his passive ways, and the narcissism is never cute nor sexy.

I am going to just type in short random blurbs about my feelings, I really do not have the mindset to go into what in the hell he did to get me so shittin’ ass hot.

There are times….

I want to bend him over (like a hoe ass bitch) and grab a fucking dildo and ram it ALL up inside of his ass so deeply...without any lubrication…

I feel there are also times where I want to grab that woman (any one of the one’s he’s fucked or is presently fucking) hold her by her hair and force her to suck his funky cum and others cum out of my pussy….bet he’d like that...she’s probably a nasty bitch like the mongrel he is...BOTH of them would be my hoe ass bitches…

And now that I am in vent mode….I must admit that I really could careless that he makes 6 figures, he can take that six figure income and go fuck himself….his precious money….the more he spends on me, it increases his idea that I am his property…to hell with him and his charismatic ways...at times I get treated like a pocket change trophy...his sweat socks and work uniform get better treatment than I do at times….

Fuck him...and all of the kids that he has or could have….and smart or silly me for not wanting a family with him...he is an ungrateful friend and an even awful lover….I am certain he would SUCK ASS as a father to our kid anyway…

Tonight HE will NOT be getting any pussy this way...silly son of a bitch….and I do not care if he leaves out to get it elsewhere….he would not want this pussy tonight anyway...I would so fake the sex tonight….he is NOT fucking worthy to even say the word cunt or pussy in my presence...he can’t even smell my pussy tonight….I would rather fuck a paraplegic...this one here will NOT get my loving tonight….

I just do not get him, it is so hard for him to be honest with me….why must he always lie about things...or excuse me...state promises that he cannot fulfill (same fucking thing,but he lives for the word play)...

What is it really? Is it the military or the law enforcement career, who is out here training our men to be such motherfuckers??!! I need to seriously find out because the fuckery must stop...stop the madness….training our men with these “defense mechanisms” instead of showing them ways to live in the truth….show them how to cope with life,not just being a servant to this God foresaken country....be a fucking man and be honest for a damned change….this must happen before the world ends….too much bullshit being done,to maintain what...so called "integrity" or to combat INSANITY...too many hearts I am sure have been broken and I know lives have been taken because of it...fucker

Okay,I feel like I have calmed down some now...because before composing this, I really wanted to bring death to that guy…..by my own hands...shit I almost laughed at that dramatic statement and the things I said in anger….hmmmm….wow…..he brought the darkness out in me tonight for real! Well,at least I am not screaming at the top of my lungs and crying like a baby anymore.

Two things I will be doing soon-one investing in a chastity device for his penis and he can only be freed if he adhere to the new “rules” of our relationship. Two-tonight I’m going to give him a sample of that by handcuffing him to the bed for a couple hours. I still do not plan on having sex with him, however,he will think that we’ll be having makeup sex once I leave out the bathroom and we discuss things. I’m going to pretend to listen to his every word, but I’ll have another agenda….I am going to fix his ass really good.

IF he is late for work,maybe this lesson will teach him not to fuck with my feelings again.
I must go, he is banging on the bathroom door, one minute he is using a strong voice and the next he is speaking nicely...a common officer tactic of his (I see through his bitchassness each time).
Until next time,
~Dream~©2015 Thick Dream Productions/Ms.Atlanta Thick~Dream~

Have A Sweet Dream On Me

Kisses to you & Sweet Dreams.

Ms.Atlanta Thick~Dream~

I'm Ready4u by~Dream~

Rain or shine

its you that is

on my mind

I think of you

when I am blue

I think of you

when I am

a slightly horny

and I want to fuck

around with only

you

Your on my mind today

baby baby

Here is where I will be

just waiting patiently

Legs crossed

Hair curled

Nails manicured

Teeth brushed

Body oiled

My original fragrance

dapped

placed in all the right places

Pussy shaved

wearing only

the smile upon my face

I am ready for you baby

Yes, I am ready to get laid.

Dear Diary Saturday Feb4is here

Dear Diary:


I went to bed with a headache and woke up with a slight one. Its been a very busy and enduring week. Running with the kiddies,planing&promoting my new project with Dick CannonXXX. AND trying not to deal with certain folk in my personal life (a headache in itself).
Today is the launch of "In The Kitchen With THICK&Dick",I invited guest to come by to watch us film live. I did not know that it was going to be such a pain. Folk do not know how to RSVP. And they ask too many damned questions,and I thought I clearly stated on the Facebook invite "this is not a swinger or fuck party,its a live content viewing". I made sure not to call it a"party"because folk immediate thoughts are,"oh yeah,we get to fuck Dream and for ONLY $10". OH,hell no...the admission is to cover the price of the room&their appetizer,etc. This would have been a private event;however,the location that was chosen to shoot the cooking show, the homeowner retracted his offer to allow us to shoot there.Typical nigga move,anytime you deal with someone personal on a business level its always something. Either they try to inadvertently put the brakes on your shit or directly try to prevent you from coming up...its always something when you know them personally.
What is almost heartbreaking when your friends are few when it comes to supporting your dreams. Not a good thing, I give support, regardless how outlandish the idea is. If its something you drive to do and have extreme passion for it...I say-DO IT!
I have to pat myself on the back at times because of the lack of true support on the personal level. Its cool,I cannot get worried about other people and their issues with what I do and why they feel they can't show me love when I am doing something new,unique&exciting. 
I went off on my sweetie,in what seem like 100 text msgs,lol....yes, I did,that way he can go back and reread what I wrote. What triggered my behavior? Oh, his lack of support on my latest project with Dick Cannon. He said in so many words,"I have been busy all week at work,big trial coming up". "Ohhh ok,what I'm doing isn't important,even though,its feeding my fam like u do urs,what I'm doing isn't shit huh&requires no support of any kind,I see now"my reply. And I would not shut up after that one text message,I had to let it all out...."sad u think what I do is a no brainer,smh,damn man,didn't know its like that,but hey,thanks,its jackanapes like u,who doubt,makes me push harder,HA,claiming2b my fan,okkk,my FUCKER fan that's it,I'm NOT sorry that I don't punch a clock,but I promise u what I do takes brain power&a hell of a lot of wit&what fucks shit up,when I depend on you for certain emotional/sexual shit&a lil guidance every now&then,hell a simple opinion on some shit&you down play my stuff,but heyyyy BOO BOO its soooo ok". Yeah buddy,I really let him have it,I sent another text,in summary I said that he was acting funny because I was having the event this week and he could not attend (because after a couple fails,I decided that guys I am intimately involved with are not allowed to come to work with me). I also called him "STANKEDDY DANK DANK"in my final message. 
When you have a lover,who is suppose to be your friend,you can't negate their concerns when you fail to support. AND you cannot act like their chosen sexy occupation is not a real one, so not fair,and doing so...does not show that you genuinely care about that person. 
I'm learning that my support is going to come from my fans,and fellow associates like Damali X Dares,Kayla Thycks,Dick Cannon,and a very encouraging New Orleans musician/producer(he's helped me keep it together these past couple months&introduced some new creative ideas how I should produce my erotic productions). To the folk I know personally(the naysayers,friend enemies,friendly haters)sit your ass down and watch me rise. 
Well,I am off now about to sip on my green tea,finish up my oatmeal then get my truck packed to ride out for today's taping. 
As I get ready these lyrics will roll off my lips:
listen as your days unfolds
challenge what the future holds
try to keep your head up to the sky
lovers they may cause you tears
go ahead release your fears
stand up and be counted
don't be shamed to cry
you gotta be you gotta be bad
you gotta be bold
you gotta be wiser
you gotta be hard
you gotta be tough
you gotta be stronger
you gotta be cool
you gotta be calm
you gotta stay together......
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
*(In The Kitchen With THICK&Dick will only be viewed on rude.com/dickcannonxxx,rude.com/thickdream,msatlantathickdream.com)*

Dear Diary Oct23,Doin Whats Best4Dream

Dear Diary:


This month has been unbelievably long,without my laptop working...I feel so freaking lost not being able to fully do my online Web Diva&Thick Dream Productions business like I need to. 
I have had some downtime to reflect on my life and my business. I have decided to go back to the basics,what got me here. I am done with the castings,not going to accept Co Stars other than my man,bf,boo,sweetie,spouse,aka my partner. Not saying that I will not collaborate with fellow adult entertainment industry folks. I am use to doing my scenes with my man/partner who is not in the business,he helps me because he wants to. 
I know that my associates are looking at me sideways because of some things that I stated on twitter.com/atl_thickdream this week. I cannot apologize for what I said because I can only do what works for me. I meant what I said when I stated that I am doing what everyone else is doing simply because its whats"in". I did not get into the adult entertainment industry nor did I become an entertainer for the awards,cliches, and groupies. I do my entertaining because its my passion, I love to entertain. I love to produce erotica, and I love creating erotic compositions. 
The downside of the industry is its one sided, the women in the business do not usually have a happy ended. Those who decide to fallback and focus on their career or are unable to go in it as deep, are not always respected by their peers. Hence,why my circle of associates is small. I am thankful to have their input on some issues that have came across my desk this year. I appreciate my industry folk and my friends who are in the "Lifestyle", without them I think I would have went batty trying to figure some shit out.
I now know that I need someone in my life and on my team who is truly supportive of my decisions. From my choice to  entertain or my choice to complete my degree. He must support the lifestyle that comes with it. That is very important. 
I also found out that being poly-amorous does not work for me. Although I have been honest with all parties involved, it is not going to work at all for me. Guy does not like sharing me with my Co Stars,so I know he does not enjoy sharing me with anyone else. Me being too honest about what I do,is not enough for them. Lord knows what they do on their time away from me, do I care? Yes and no, but I cannot get caught up in all that. My belief, if it does not affect me directly, its not my concern. I keep my partners safe when I play,especially when I produce a scene....that is all that should matter,period. 
This is not a shocker,but I want a REAL relationship. I miss having that man of my own. After being married over a decade, yes one can get use to that....he did spoil me to a certain extent, hell, I miss that. 
I do not plan on conforming for my next partner. I am too old for that shit, I will adjust my business and life to allow him into it. Most women will not do that, my girlfriends say"girl,you do too much". The thing is, they are not in the entertainment business. And their previous sex life is not plastered on the world wide web. So, unfortunately I have to do things slightly differently when dating and dealing with my guy. Sometimes I tolerate certain situations than they would allow, then in other situations I walk away from not giving it a second thought because I am not stressed about it..."another will soon come to replace them"...my thoughts. 
The only difference this time around is, I am not going to accept anyone without his own...meaning his own car,place,goals,and a job. Those few things are not too much to ask,I think they are important requirements since I have them all and I raise a family with minimal support. A man with his own, is a all true man. I want him to have his own hobbies,friends, and life outside of me and mine. I will support whatever his goals are, and I certainly will appreciate the help he gives me in my business. He does not have to be in a scene with me, that is his choice. It will be a mutual decision whether I do scenes with other people or not. I am willing to do softcore or erotica featuring myself and/or other women associates. Eventually, I will be paying models to do the scenes I won't or cannot do. He must understand that is a process though. 
I am listening to "Hood Love" by Mary J Blige, my eyes are watery thinking about the real moments I have survived,yet it never stopped me from loving again. I know right, I can't figure it out. After being lied to, cursed out, cheated on, threatened...I still have it in me to open my shell to that emotion-LOVE. I do not fall as deep as I use to, I am learning to back off easier when I see that person isn't deserving of me. 
I'd be a liar and a half if I said I am cool with my status, I am not at all. I do not know why I am being silly...could be the change in temperature, since I am use to having that bed buddy. Or it could be that the holidays are approaching...we usually do it big during the holidays or we struggle together-and do nothing at all...whatever the situation was, I was there loving and doing what was required of me....dammit, I miss that.
Yes, I could have any kind of man I want, but it would only be temporary if he cannot fulfill all of my needs-sexually,mentally, and able to give me the time I ask....I would have to piece him together with another...i.e-the poly-amorous situation. If the sex is good,but our conversation sucks....not good. Or our conversation is great,but the sex is awful...not good either. It has to be equal in every aspect to keep me diehard for him. And no, he can't just sex me....talk to me and not spend quality time with me,really not good. He would have to make time for me...or forget about me. 
www.twitter.com/atl_thickdream