Dear Diary:
It is kinda late, and I have finished catching up on all of the missed episodes on the DVR. The kettle was screaming for me, to turn it off...so now I am up listening to old school music and sipping tea. I could not resist, I had to open you up, to spill what has been floating about in my mind.
Well, he and I are back good from that last argument. I really want to elaborate more on what happened, but not at this time.
I’ve been spending a lot of time alone lately, and getting more in tune with myself. I spent most of the holidays alone, I saw my family briefly. He has been working a lot of overtime,but for some odd reason,I'm okay with that. I guess I’ve grown accustomed to the schedule of having a man in law enforcement.
The other day,he tried to hold me during my sleep, but I did not want him touching me. I’ve been having some horrible nightmares lately and sleep has not been a friend of mine. I know why I am not able to rest,its work related and my ass is upset that he is working more hours. His new shift change has us in a weird "funky" place right now. First of all,it is a different life when you work during the day, and your mate works at night. For years, I’ve been use to being held at night by him and yes it is tough sleeping in a Shaq sized King bed alone or not sleeping at all until he comes in...and occasionally he does not come home at all.
I don’t mind spending time with myself;however,it's getting to me. My mind is my friend, and at times my mind is my enemy. I’m doing all I can-focusing on my career,working out 5 days per week. BUT-the minute I get a break to myself my focus is on him...I want him and bad...and then the next I cannot stand to hear his voice. I want to be loved, and cared for...but sometimes when he is around me I want to push him away. Why?? Because we’ve been missing out on those simple days when we would hangout together. We are so out of sync that he no longer knows when I am feeling moody, he use to know exactly what I needed from a foot rub to a couple scoops of white turtle ice cream. Each time we sit down to a meal, he speaks on nothing more than his day at work. As a matter of fact, that is all he seems to want to talk about is work,not us.
Two weeks ago, it was raining, cold and windy outside. I stayed up with him, during his entire shift texting him my thoughts...sexy thoughts of him and I. When he got off, I had a hot bath waiting for him and breakfast. He was dog tired,I could tell the way he dragged himself out of the car, and damned near crawled upstairs. Seeing him like that, made me want to cater to him so much more.
I helped him get undressed, and I allowed him to get comfortable in the tub before I sat in a chair beside him. I just wanted to connect with him. I wanted to feed him the bagels and fruit (what I had out for breakfast) as he soaked, but instead I listened to him without interrupting. I know that is all he wants at times, is for me to shut up and hear how his day went. This morning I had to give him that after seeing how tired he was, the night shift did kick the shit out of his ass.
I listened and listened as he went on about events that were made for an episode of Cop’s. Anxious,I couldn’t stay seated the entire time, as he spoke, so I grabbed a washcloth and I began to wash him. The minute my hand touched his washcloth his penis rose up from underneath the water, as if it were away in a coma. I tried not mention it, but I had to (hahaha). I said “oh my look who is here and ready to party”. He looked down and shook his head in agreement and continued speaking.
I washed every single inch of his tired yet handsome body. I washed between his toes and behind his scrotum, I left his ass crack for him to do though. It had been a minute since I did something like that for him. I did not mind. Actually, I was very turned on by washing/grooming him. It's something about me...and him...we do not mind worshipping each other. He has scratched out dandruff from my scalp, and I have cleaned his hairy booger filled nose.
OMG!!! See, this is the shit that I am missing...no WE are missing….tending to each other and OFTEN!! He’s too busy trying to save the planet, and I am too busy trying to save myself from myself..that we forgotten to invest in what we have that is precious and important--each other!!
I am so glad that I took my time massaging him after he got out of the tub. It made him so much more sweeter. AND to feel his muscles go from tense to relax as I kneaded out the knots in his back, was something very sensual to experience. AND the look on his face, was to die for. He was like a little baby who was dipped in honey butter. The satisfaction on his face was something that filled me up with joy that lasted for days.
After the massage, I whispered in his ear “I am now going to kiss each part of your body". And that I surely did...you name it-I kissed it. I forgot to mention, that during the massage and the sweet kisses he was blindfolded too. His steady massive erection was screaming for me to suck him, and abandon the rest of his body. I didn't stop, to solely tend to his erect thick dick. Of course, I did massage and kiss his cock too. The best part of the kisses and massage was me “ordering” him to get on all fours. I told him to lean on his elbows and keep his butt in the air. Then I said for him to “spread em” so that I could massage,suck and kiss his dick from the back. My hands, and face were oily...I used both to please him. I wanted to stick my tongue in his asshole, but I blew into it gently and continued to lick, suck, and kiss him everywhere else-with him still on his knees...with his ass in my face. I think I even bit into his buttocks….I do not know what overcame me, it's just something about pleasure..and pleasing THIS man. WE have no limitations. There is nothing too kinky when it comes to our pleasure.
When the time came for him to enter me,he was wanting to do all these fancy sex positions. All I wanted was for him to lay on top of me, and slide inside slow and stroke me deep. And he did just that, except he added a hook-swivel move to his stroke this time...that made a big difference in the lovemaking. He gave me such good strokes, that I was in tears. I kept touching his face, and kissing him the entire time. It was just that incredibly good, something we’ve not had in awhile….some intense spiritual type sex.
When he released inside of me,I felt the weight of his week and all of the emotions he had been holding back from me. All I could do was hug him tight, and allow the good in him to fill me...as we both panted from such an high energetic exchange.
Its midnight, I am sure they are finished with roll call. I want to call him, but I think I will message him. I have to share with him, that every since that morning....I have been wanting to disengage...not from him but from the lifestyle that we’ve been living. Until next time,
~Dream~©2016 Thick Dream Productions/Ms.Atlanta Thick~Dream~
