Dear Diary:
I went to bed with a headache and woke up with a slight one. Its been a very busy and enduring week. Running with the kiddies,planing&promoting my new project with Dick CannonXXX. AND trying not to deal with certain folk in my personal life (a headache in itself).
Today is the launch of "In The Kitchen With THICK&Dick",I invited guest to come by to watch us film live. I did not know that it was going to be such a pain. Folk do not know how to RSVP. And they ask too many damned questions,and I thought I clearly stated on the Facebook invite "this is not a swinger or fuck party,its a live content viewing". I made sure not to call it a"party"because folk immediate thoughts are,"oh yeah,we get to fuck Dream and for ONLY $10". OH,hell no...the admission is to cover the price of the room&their appetizer,etc. This would have been a private event;however,the location that was chosen to shoot the cooking show, the homeowner retracted his offer to allow us to shoot there.Typical nigga move,anytime you deal with someone personal on a business level its always something. Either they try to inadvertently put the brakes on your shit or directly try to prevent you from coming up...its always something when you know them personally.
What is almost heartbreaking when your friends are few when it comes to supporting your dreams. Not a good thing, I give support, regardless how outlandish the idea is. If its something you drive to do and have extreme passion for it...I say-DO IT!
I have to pat myself on the back at times because of the lack of true support on the personal level. Its cool,I cannot get worried about other people and their issues with what I do and why they feel they can't show me love when I am doing something new,unique&exciting.
I went off on my sweetie,in what seem like 100 text msgs,lol....yes, I did,that way he can go back and reread what I wrote. What triggered my behavior? Oh, his lack of support on my latest project with Dick Cannon. He said in so many words,"I have been busy all week at work,big trial coming up". "Ohhh ok,what I'm doing isn't important,even though,its feeding my fam like u do urs,what I'm doing isn't shit huh&requires no support of any kind,I see now"my reply. And I would not shut up after that one text message,I had to let it all out...."sad u think what I do is a no brainer,smh,damn man,didn't know its like that,but hey,thanks,its jackanapes like u,who doubt,makes me push harder,HA,claiming2b my fan,okkk,my FUCKER fan that's it,I'm NOT sorry that I don't punch a clock,but I promise u what I do takes brain power&a hell of a lot of wit&what fucks shit up,when I depend on you for certain emotional/sexual shit&a lil guidance every now&then,hell a simple opinion on some shit&you down play my stuff,but heyyyy BOO BOO its soooo ok". Yeah buddy,I really let him have it,I sent another text,in summary I said that he was acting funny because I was having the event this week and he could not attend (because after a couple fails,I decided that guys I am intimately involved with are not allowed to come to work with me). I also called him "STANKEDDY DANK DANK"in my final message.
When you have a lover,who is suppose to be your friend,you can't negate their concerns when you fail to support. AND you cannot act like their chosen sexy occupation is not a real one, so not fair,and doing so...does not show that you genuinely care about that person.
I'm learning that my support is going to come from my fans,and fellow associates like Damali X Dares,Kayla Thycks,Dick Cannon,and a very encouraging New Orleans musician/producer(he's helped me keep it together these past couple months&introduced some new creative ideas how I should produce my erotic productions). To the folk I know personally(the naysayers,friend enemies,friendly haters)sit your ass down and watch me rise.
Well,I am off now about to sip on my green tea,finish up my oatmeal then get my truck packed to ride out for today's taping.
As I get ready these lyrics will roll off my lips:
listen as your days unfolds
challenge what the future holds
try to keep your head up to the sky
lovers they may cause you tears
go ahead release your fears
stand up and be counted
don't be shamed to cry
you gotta be you gotta be bad
you gotta be bold
you gotta be wiser
you gotta be hard
you gotta be tough
you gotta be stronger
you gotta be cool
you gotta be calm
you gotta stay together......
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
*(In The Kitchen With THICK&Dick will only be viewed on rude.com/dickcannonxxx,rude.com/thickdream,msatlantathickdream.com)*
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Dear Diary Oct23,Doin Whats Best4Dream
Dear Diary:
This month has been unbelievably long,without my laptop working...I feel so freaking lost not being able to fully do my online Web Diva&Thick Dream Productions business like I need to.
I have had some downtime to reflect on my life and my business. I have decided to go back to the basics,what got me here. I am done with the castings,not going to accept Co Stars other than my man,bf,boo,sweetie,spouse,aka my partner. Not saying that I will not collaborate with fellow adult entertainment industry folks. I am use to doing my scenes with my man/partner who is not in the business,he helps me because he wants to.
I know that my associates are looking at me sideways because of some things that I stated on twitter.com/atl_thickdream this week. I cannot apologize for what I said because I can only do what works for me. I meant what I said when I stated that I am doing what everyone else is doing simply because its whats"in". I did not get into the adult entertainment industry nor did I become an entertainer for the awards,cliches, and groupies. I do my entertaining because its my passion, I love to entertain. I love to produce erotica, and I love creating erotic compositions.
The downside of the industry is its one sided, the women in the business do not usually have a happy ended. Those who decide to fallback and focus on their career or are unable to go in it as deep, are not always respected by their peers. Hence,why my circle of associates is small. I am thankful to have their input on some issues that have came across my desk this year. I appreciate my industry folk and my friends who are in the "Lifestyle", without them I think I would have went batty trying to figure some shit out.
I now know that I need someone in my life and on my team who is truly supportive of my decisions. From my choice to entertain or my choice to complete my degree. He must support the lifestyle that comes with it. That is very important.
I also found out that being poly-amorous does not work for me. Although I have been honest with all parties involved, it is not going to work at all for me. Guy does not like sharing me with my Co Stars,so I know he does not enjoy sharing me with anyone else. Me being too honest about what I do,is not enough for them. Lord knows what they do on their time away from me, do I care? Yes and no, but I cannot get caught up in all that. My belief, if it does not affect me directly, its not my concern. I keep my partners safe when I play,especially when I produce a scene....that is all that should matter,period.
This is not a shocker,but I want a REAL relationship. I miss having that man of my own. After being married over a decade, yes one can get use to that....he did spoil me to a certain extent, hell, I miss that.
I do not plan on conforming for my next partner. I am too old for that shit, I will adjust my business and life to allow him into it. Most women will not do that, my girlfriends say"girl,you do too much". The thing is, they are not in the entertainment business. And their previous sex life is not plastered on the world wide web. So, unfortunately I have to do things slightly differently when dating and dealing with my guy. Sometimes I tolerate certain situations than they would allow, then in other situations I walk away from not giving it a second thought because I am not stressed about it..."another will soon come to replace them"...my thoughts.
The only difference this time around is, I am not going to accept anyone without his own...meaning his own car,place,goals,and a job. Those few things are not too much to ask,I think they are important requirements since I have them all and I raise a family with minimal support. A man with his own, is a all true man. I want him to have his own hobbies,friends, and life outside of me and mine. I will support whatever his goals are, and I certainly will appreciate the help he gives me in my business. He does not have to be in a scene with me, that is his choice. It will be a mutual decision whether I do scenes with other people or not. I am willing to do softcore or erotica featuring myself and/or other women associates. Eventually, I will be paying models to do the scenes I won't or cannot do. He must understand that is a process though.
I am listening to "Hood Love" by Mary J Blige, my eyes are watery thinking about the real moments I have survived,yet it never stopped me from loving again. I know right, I can't figure it out. After being lied to, cursed out, cheated on, threatened...I still have it in me to open my shell to that emotion-LOVE. I do not fall as deep as I use to, I am learning to back off easier when I see that person isn't deserving of me.
I'd be a liar and a half if I said I am cool with my status, I am not at all. I do not know why I am being silly...could be the change in temperature, since I am use to having that bed buddy. Or it could be that the holidays are approaching...we usually do it big during the holidays or we struggle together-and do nothing at all...whatever the situation was, I was there loving and doing what was required of me....dammit, I miss that.
Yes, I could have any kind of man I want, but it would only be temporary if he cannot fulfill all of my needs-sexually,mentally, and able to give me the time I ask....I would have to piece him together with another...i.e-the poly-amorous situation. If the sex is good,but our conversation sucks....not good. Or our conversation is great,but the sex is awful...not good either. It has to be equal in every aspect to keep me diehard for him. And no, he can't just sex me....talk to me and not spend quality time with me,really not good. He would have to make time for me...or forget about me.
www.twitter.com/atl_thickdream
This month has been unbelievably long,without my laptop working...I feel so freaking lost not being able to fully do my online Web Diva&Thick Dream Productions business like I need to.
I have had some downtime to reflect on my life and my business. I have decided to go back to the basics,what got me here. I am done with the castings,not going to accept Co Stars other than my man,bf,boo,sweetie,spouse,aka my partner. Not saying that I will not collaborate with fellow adult entertainment industry folks. I am use to doing my scenes with my man/partner who is not in the business,he helps me because he wants to.
I know that my associates are looking at me sideways because of some things that I stated on twitter.com/atl_thickdream this week. I cannot apologize for what I said because I can only do what works for me. I meant what I said when I stated that I am doing what everyone else is doing simply because its whats"in". I did not get into the adult entertainment industry nor did I become an entertainer for the awards,cliches, and groupies. I do my entertaining because its my passion, I love to entertain. I love to produce erotica, and I love creating erotic compositions.
The downside of the industry is its one sided, the women in the business do not usually have a happy ended. Those who decide to fallback and focus on their career or are unable to go in it as deep, are not always respected by their peers. Hence,why my circle of associates is small. I am thankful to have their input on some issues that have came across my desk this year. I appreciate my industry folk and my friends who are in the "Lifestyle", without them I think I would have went batty trying to figure some shit out.
I now know that I need someone in my life and on my team who is truly supportive of my decisions. From my choice to entertain or my choice to complete my degree. He must support the lifestyle that comes with it. That is very important.
I also found out that being poly-amorous does not work for me. Although I have been honest with all parties involved, it is not going to work at all for me. Guy does not like sharing me with my Co Stars,so I know he does not enjoy sharing me with anyone else. Me being too honest about what I do,is not enough for them. Lord knows what they do on their time away from me, do I care? Yes and no, but I cannot get caught up in all that. My belief, if it does not affect me directly, its not my concern. I keep my partners safe when I play,especially when I produce a scene....that is all that should matter,period.
This is not a shocker,but I want a REAL relationship. I miss having that man of my own. After being married over a decade, yes one can get use to that....he did spoil me to a certain extent, hell, I miss that.
I do not plan on conforming for my next partner. I am too old for that shit, I will adjust my business and life to allow him into it. Most women will not do that, my girlfriends say"girl,you do too much". The thing is, they are not in the entertainment business. And their previous sex life is not plastered on the world wide web. So, unfortunately I have to do things slightly differently when dating and dealing with my guy. Sometimes I tolerate certain situations than they would allow, then in other situations I walk away from not giving it a second thought because I am not stressed about it..."another will soon come to replace them"...my thoughts.
The only difference this time around is, I am not going to accept anyone without his own...meaning his own car,place,goals,and a job. Those few things are not too much to ask,I think they are important requirements since I have them all and I raise a family with minimal support. A man with his own, is a all true man. I want him to have his own hobbies,friends, and life outside of me and mine. I will support whatever his goals are, and I certainly will appreciate the help he gives me in my business. He does not have to be in a scene with me, that is his choice. It will be a mutual decision whether I do scenes with other people or not. I am willing to do softcore or erotica featuring myself and/or other women associates. Eventually, I will be paying models to do the scenes I won't or cannot do. He must understand that is a process though.
I am listening to "Hood Love" by Mary J Blige, my eyes are watery thinking about the real moments I have survived,yet it never stopped me from loving again. I know right, I can't figure it out. After being lied to, cursed out, cheated on, threatened...I still have it in me to open my shell to that emotion-LOVE. I do not fall as deep as I use to, I am learning to back off easier when I see that person isn't deserving of me.
I'd be a liar and a half if I said I am cool with my status, I am not at all. I do not know why I am being silly...could be the change in temperature, since I am use to having that bed buddy. Or it could be that the holidays are approaching...we usually do it big during the holidays or we struggle together-and do nothing at all...whatever the situation was, I was there loving and doing what was required of me....dammit, I miss that.
Yes, I could have any kind of man I want, but it would only be temporary if he cannot fulfill all of my needs-sexually,mentally, and able to give me the time I ask....I would have to piece him together with another...i.e-the poly-amorous situation. If the sex is good,but our conversation sucks....not good. Or our conversation is great,but the sex is awful...not good either. It has to be equal in every aspect to keep me diehard for him. And no, he can't just sex me....talk to me and not spend quality time with me,really not good. He would have to make time for me...or forget about me.
www.twitter.com/atl_thickdream
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