Dear Diary Saturday Feb4is here

Dear Diary:


I went to bed with a headache and woke up with a slight one. Its been a very busy and enduring week. Running with the kiddies,planing&promoting my new project with Dick CannonXXX. AND trying not to deal with certain folk in my personal life (a headache in itself).
Today is the launch of "In The Kitchen With THICK&Dick",I invited guest to come by to watch us film live. I did not know that it was going to be such a pain. Folk do not know how to RSVP. And they ask too many damned questions,and I thought I clearly stated on the Facebook invite "this is not a swinger or fuck party,its a live content viewing". I made sure not to call it a"party"because folk immediate thoughts are,"oh yeah,we get to fuck Dream and for ONLY $10". OH,hell no...the admission is to cover the price of the room&their appetizer,etc. This would have been a private event;however,the location that was chosen to shoot the cooking show, the homeowner retracted his offer to allow us to shoot there.Typical nigga move,anytime you deal with someone personal on a business level its always something. Either they try to inadvertently put the brakes on your shit or directly try to prevent you from coming up...its always something when you know them personally.
What is almost heartbreaking when your friends are few when it comes to supporting your dreams. Not a good thing, I give support, regardless how outlandish the idea is. If its something you drive to do and have extreme passion for it...I say-DO IT!
I have to pat myself on the back at times because of the lack of true support on the personal level. Its cool,I cannot get worried about other people and their issues with what I do and why they feel they can't show me love when I am doing something new,unique&exciting. 
I went off on my sweetie,in what seem like 100 text msgs,lol....yes, I did,that way he can go back and reread what I wrote. What triggered my behavior? Oh, his lack of support on my latest project with Dick Cannon. He said in so many words,"I have been busy all week at work,big trial coming up". "Ohhh ok,what I'm doing isn't important,even though,its feeding my fam like u do urs,what I'm doing isn't shit huh&requires no support of any kind,I see now"my reply. And I would not shut up after that one text message,I had to let it all out...."sad u think what I do is a no brainer,smh,damn man,didn't know its like that,but hey,thanks,its jackanapes like u,who doubt,makes me push harder,HA,claiming2b my fan,okkk,my FUCKER fan that's it,I'm NOT sorry that I don't punch a clock,but I promise u what I do takes brain power&a hell of a lot of wit&what fucks shit up,when I depend on you for certain emotional/sexual shit&a lil guidance every now&then,hell a simple opinion on some shit&you down play my stuff,but heyyyy BOO BOO its soooo ok". Yeah buddy,I really let him have it,I sent another text,in summary I said that he was acting funny because I was having the event this week and he could not attend (because after a couple fails,I decided that guys I am intimately involved with are not allowed to come to work with me). I also called him "STANKEDDY DANK DANK"in my final message. 
When you have a lover,who is suppose to be your friend,you can't negate their concerns when you fail to support. AND you cannot act like their chosen sexy occupation is not a real one, so not fair,and doing so...does not show that you genuinely care about that person. 
I'm learning that my support is going to come from my fans,and fellow associates like Damali X Dares,Kayla Thycks,Dick Cannon,and a very encouraging New Orleans musician/producer(he's helped me keep it together these past couple months&introduced some new creative ideas how I should produce my erotic productions). To the folk I know personally(the naysayers,friend enemies,friendly haters)sit your ass down and watch me rise. 
Well,I am off now about to sip on my green tea,finish up my oatmeal then get my truck packed to ride out for today's taping. 
As I get ready these lyrics will roll off my lips:
listen as your days unfolds
challenge what the future holds
try to keep your head up to the sky
lovers they may cause you tears
go ahead release your fears
stand up and be counted
don't be shamed to cry
you gotta be you gotta be bad
you gotta be bold
you gotta be wiser
you gotta be hard
you gotta be tough
you gotta be stronger
you gotta be cool
you gotta be calm
you gotta stay together......
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
*(In The Kitchen With THICK&Dick will only be viewed on rude.com/dickcannonxxx,rude.com/thickdream,msatlantathickdream.com)*

Dear Diary Saturday,Oct15 (BLAH MOOD)

Dear Diary:
Its  Sweetest Day, I am getting ready to go out on the town this evening. I want to stay in with my teddy bear, in my Target cotton PJ's, eyes glued to my Samsung HDTV.
I feel sexy, I am happy, but I am missing a small part of me. A part of me is floating somewhere in the far beyond and it does not want to come back...lol...probably dreading this evening out.
I am going to be in a room full of people, yet all I want is to be held close and kissed gently upon my neck. Nothing major, just that simple. A warm embrace, on a chilly fall night....priceless. 
I am so spoiled by my fans and admirers, I should be whole...not even close. Pieces of me are missing....some parts I have given away....never to be returned.....and the rest wore off by improper "use",so they are out for repair...lol...those parts are on backorder.
A close friend of mine offered himself to me,I am undecided if I should take him up on his offer. He does not want a sexxxy display. He just wants to listen to me, and help where he can. He means well, but I do not want to cross into uncharted waters with him. Emotions will take you to places, you do not want to go or need to go with certain people. 
His hugs are innocent, and the tears that we share are genuine. We have had some of the same struggles, so I do not make a big deal out of seeing a man cry. 
The more I think about it, the more I am leaning to staying home....he just called and invited me over....he joked about spooning while watching DVDs tonight...and he will provide the Kleenex.
Ok,off goes the stiletto's and the MAC make up...I am spending time with my friend tonight, my EVO will get turned off soon....as I unwind and distress from all the extra bullshit that has been coming at me. Those people who said they loved or wanted to marry me, and cannot stop thinking about me....will not be thought of or brought up during this true friend time....nothing sexual will occur, which makes this really special. And yes,he has seen me naked....but we are grown,so shit like that does not matter. 
At the moment, I am freakin teary eyed,so wild that a woman like me has spent time with various types of people finds simplicity in a quiet evening barefoot close to a platonic friend. Men in my life are either unappreciative of my realness or unqualified to provide such emotional support to me,so why try to get something out of an incompetent source. And the ones who are all that and then some, are not available completely to me....and that totally sucks ass. 
I have to keep this writing short and brief,enough of myself has been divulged....oh well,eat it up...you evil forces that love to see my downs and want to know about my everything including,my pains.
Enjoy your Sweetest Day,hopefully it is spent with a real friend.
~Dream~