Dear Diary-New Year Thoughts

Dear Diary:
I am glad that I made it through another year. I welcomed 2012 with open arms. Just ready to start various projects,make new connections, and make new money.
A lot of folk did their resolution thing,some reflected and made goals based on what they did or did not do in 2011. I am not the resolution kind of chick. I merely looked at the year as a whole and begun listing things I wanted to accomplish the upcoming year. Hence, why I said I was on my 2012 before the New Year rung in. 
I had some major life lessons in 2011, which made me a stronger woman. I can see things from a totally different perspective. 
I believe things happen for a reason, certain events cause them to occur and sometimes we may inadvertently force them. I had a former boyfriend tell me that maybe I was in the wrong field or "profession" because he felt I was not successful as I could be,in his eyes. He was so wrong, things happen to all of us. That is all a part of life. This life was not meant to be perfect and without trials, what a boring life I think it would be. 
The only mistake I made was having that kind of conversation with his ass, a man who cannot stay still to be a father to his children,forget being involved in a relationship with a woman...that is too much to ask. People like that cannot commit to anything because they think they know it all. 
I know that I did not complete some projects that I started in 2011. The primary reason was that I went through a transition of being without that live-in assistance. That took some adjustment. 
I do not believe in curses that keep you stagnant, I do believe in the choices you make with your own free will having an effect on your life when they are not clearly thought through. Every choice or plan should have a good execution. 
Also, I believe that good comes to those who do good. A "blessing" can come in many different forms, not necessarily in the form of money or a new job promotion. A blessing can come big or simple, and just because good is done all year around does not mean a major blessing will come immediately the following year. We may not be ready to receive the blessing that is in store for us. And sometimes adults get blessings and do not recognize them as one. Also,we are like a child getting a toy, after time what do they do with it? Throw it aside,along with the other junk they own. 
I appreciate all the things that I have,and the things I want to have will come, some naturally and others will come without me forcing it. Either way, I am grateful for all I have. From the children I gave life to the people I met, I am happy to have those experiences. 
The thought use to cross my mind, what if I changed who I am-conform so that I can be "accepted" by my family and future lovers. That thought was quickly diminished, I cannot live my life to please others. Been there done that. I love who I am and I have passion in what I do. My creative, artistic, bubbly personality keeps me young. I could not see myself being no other way. Yes, I could have been that uptight lawyer or that honorable Nurse,but would I have been truly happy? I highly doubt it. The traits we have are innate, if we took a picture or video from childhood and view it now I bet it will reflect who we are now as adults. When I was a child, I was always singing, laughing,acting-performing and writing something creative. Ha,Ha,Ha,to those who think they can change who they were destined to be, and big laughs to those who think they can change their unspoken naughty traits (the perv,the freak,the pretender,the cheater). I've learned to accept who I truly am, and adapt as my environment changes. 
Being healthy, productive, and positive are my key elements to getting the best out of a new year....out of life in general. 
Success has to be an ingredient throughout the year, not just in January. We all want what we want, crave what we desire. I say, seek happiness from within and be happy no matter what cards were dealt to you. 
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
1-5-2012

Tis The Season-Incubation Time

Woke up pillow wet
Heart heavy
Solid mind
Feeling thankful
Feeling wounded
Although physically rejuvenated 
My heart is injured
The war is not over
Newness awaits
Getting prepared, ready to undergo another metamorphosis
The friends and fam I will miss
No one will ever understand who truly occupies this shell
The sexual, the delectable
Socially unacceptable
Pleasantly plump performer
Analytical Mommy    
Speaks but who really listens
Do I really have your attention
Many are caught up in the holiday madness
On a rush from being fed a major dose of commercialized antidepressant 
I could careless what is under a mother fucking Christmas tree
There are much more important issues in the world 
Then breaking my neck to go buy shit that I don't need,all because its on sale
My attention is focused elsewhere
Ready to kiss 2011 goodbye
Happy to salute a New Year
Embraced all of its challenges
Proud to have my sanity
Celebratory cuz all of the bills got paid
Oh yes-a mother fucking victory
Thankful, I'm not homeless
Blessed, to be able to sleep on my own nice warm King Trump mattress
Came a long way from sleeping in my car at the post office
Had to revisit the pain one more time
Regurgitated the bitch so much
Felt like I was pregnant
I am swollen
Ready to burst
Time to finally deliver
Sucking in the belly
Sticking out my chest
Hands up, sliding on my vest
Digested, grieved, ready to lose more fam&friends
Pulled out the pin
Silently, awaiting for some of the smoke to clear
Mystically, I will appear
Radiating, stiletto proud, showcasing my ass
A highly confident stance
No entourage behind me
I approach the stage
Taps the mic
"I have arrived bitches, this is MY final phase"
Applause comes from the dark horizon
Its my fairy Goddess Mother
Her affluent angelic voice speaks
"The spin cycle is over
Now its time to rinse 
Dream,take off the gloves
Its time to do this
You're no newbie
Training days been gone
Playtime is diminished 
Give em all you got
I promise you, they want more
If its success you want
Then success ye shall get
Dreams are good
BUT now its time, to have your
REALITY
Behold, I present to some&reintroduce to others
The revitalized
The Ms.Atlanta Thick~Dream~" 
~©Dream~