As I stand on top of this planet
This Dream universe
I inhale the emissions
From the exosphere
I cough, become light headed
I almost choke, on the debris
With my watery eyes set
The horizon appears hazy
As I glaze out into the vast opening
I feel something is missing
There's something in the darkness that I seek
Is it God
I don't think, He's the only one who hears me speak
Or is it Cupid
I do not know, He and I our relationship lately hasn't been consistent
Could it be the fond memories of what real love feels like
From friends and family?
What is in this massive abyss that's calling upon me?
I am drawn to it
Maybe it's death
Disguised as a comforting place
I don't know what it is
I must resist the pseudo sense of happiness
That its eliciting
I can't help but listen to it
The voice is calming
Almost as consoling as Mother's warm embrace into her bosom
Just as relaxing, when he climaxes,dick pulsating,inside of me, from a very powerful orgasm
The tone is very deceitful
Advising me, reminding me of the lies and empty promises
From those who claimed to have loved me
Those who forsaken me
A fuzzy flashback was shown to me
Of various backstabbings
This gatekeeper to the darkness
Has promised me everything
From fortune to fame
Infinite love to eternal unity
The catch is to live in solitary
Become recluse but produce yourself as needed
Undecided
Unsure what to do
I'm stuck in purgatory
For now,I equate interaction as disappointment and lies
Seclusion,equals rewarding,yet missing the human touch
Undecided, I shall sleep,doing only what is required of me to do
That voice will be calling upon me soon
Tonight I will adhere to its commands,pushing ignore when your call comes through.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Dear Diary,July 4th,2011
Dear Diary:
Today is a holiday and I woke up way early,I have no plans today. I did the cook out thing yesterday with my homegirl and her family. It was nice to be surrounded by real folk, these people never met me in their life yet they extended the greatest kindness to me and my children. Also, they invited me to become part of their family. I was happy inside and out, to hear that. My family isn't as big, they live right around the corner, and do not speak to me. Sad but true, I manage. I have no problem creating a world without those who tend to use and hurt me. I am very good at that.
Fortunately, I do not rely on other people to make me happy. I have to make myself happier on other levels. Its not always in a sexual form. Providing for my family, brings much satisfaction to me. Having a good heart, I believe is the key to happiness and less stress.
This new no bullshit diet I am on is awesome. I totally enjoy telling the time wasting men who text and call me to bug off. They do not buy or rent my content. They talk my ear off about their fantasies about me. They all allege that they are "real friends" and "not like other guys"sure,sure George,heard that one before. You are no different than a fan, you just want to fuck,let's keep it real.
I really am amused by the men who think I am impressed with their cars,or economic status,none of that shit phases me. Wow,how bitchass they get when they get a "no" from me,like "fat bitch,who are you to turn me down"lmao! Reality check guy, I am Dream and I am not a regular chick,you got me fucked up.com,lol....I am so not a lowly fat chick who jumps at (give it up the first night&get ass for FREE) dinner nights. I am not the one.
I have no time for crazy male drama crap, I am focusing on new innovative ways to make money. Creativity and success is all I eat and breathe. Sexuality, and being provocative is just part of the gumbo.
My Captain Save Em days are over,fellas trying to step to me,better have their shit together. I am not speaking of his FICO score,nor how his 401K is vested,and how many pairs of Jordan's he own. I am talking about his mind&heart composition,and have simple stuff like his own car and place for starters. That is not too much to ask. Because a guy can fuck til sunrise, but if he does not have his own,its not a good combo for a woman who does. And a man who is financially stable does not mean he's a prize catch,especially if he has a fucked up personality.
My kind of guy is laid back,not too uptight. He's the kind of guy who I can joke with and share my fears with. He's not a horn dog, he is sexual but not all about getting the pussy. He is a gentleman, he is genuinely concerned for me. He respects the fact that I have cut back on the wifely privileges because he wants to earn them. He isn't worried about my occupation or my past, he wants to be my future.
When sex with him does occur, its something cherished. I am not treated like those before me. He takes his time with the seduction. He makes sure I am pleased to the utmost. He puts in work, his tongue is the guide. He's not lead solely by his dick, his mind assist in seducing me. He learns all my pleasure spots,without asking. He nibbles on my neck,massages the knots out of my back,rubs on my booty just a little. His sweet kisses are impeccable, they make me wet as the mere thought of him.
When I am with him, I feel helpless like a child, as the spider to the fly. Yet, I am the Queen bumble bee, and He-the spider. The big booty bee, frozen in the fetal position, he puts his venom deep in me. Immobile like a coma patient, I want to move,but I cannot. I want to ride his well hung dick. I want to cum all over it. I wish I could take the lead,but I can't,I enjoy his power over me.
That is the man of my~Dreams~.
Happy 4th of July!
Today is a holiday and I woke up way early,I have no plans today. I did the cook out thing yesterday with my homegirl and her family. It was nice to be surrounded by real folk, these people never met me in their life yet they extended the greatest kindness to me and my children. Also, they invited me to become part of their family. I was happy inside and out, to hear that. My family isn't as big, they live right around the corner, and do not speak to me. Sad but true, I manage. I have no problem creating a world without those who tend to use and hurt me. I am very good at that.
Fortunately, I do not rely on other people to make me happy. I have to make myself happier on other levels. Its not always in a sexual form. Providing for my family, brings much satisfaction to me. Having a good heart, I believe is the key to happiness and less stress.
This new no bullshit diet I am on is awesome. I totally enjoy telling the time wasting men who text and call me to bug off. They do not buy or rent my content. They talk my ear off about their fantasies about me. They all allege that they are "real friends" and "not like other guys"sure,sure George,heard that one before. You are no different than a fan, you just want to fuck,let's keep it real.
I really am amused by the men who think I am impressed with their cars,or economic status,none of that shit phases me. Wow,how bitchass they get when they get a "no" from me,like "fat bitch,who are you to turn me down"lmao! Reality check guy, I am Dream and I am not a regular chick,you got me fucked up.com,lol....I am so not a lowly fat chick who jumps at (give it up the first night&get ass for FREE) dinner nights. I am not the one.
I have no time for crazy male drama crap, I am focusing on new innovative ways to make money. Creativity and success is all I eat and breathe. Sexuality, and being provocative is just part of the gumbo.
My Captain Save Em days are over,fellas trying to step to me,better have their shit together. I am not speaking of his FICO score,nor how his 401K is vested,and how many pairs of Jordan's he own. I am talking about his mind&heart composition,and have simple stuff like his own car and place for starters. That is not too much to ask. Because a guy can fuck til sunrise, but if he does not have his own,its not a good combo for a woman who does. And a man who is financially stable does not mean he's a prize catch,especially if he has a fucked up personality.
My kind of guy is laid back,not too uptight. He's the kind of guy who I can joke with and share my fears with. He's not a horn dog, he is sexual but not all about getting the pussy. He is a gentleman, he is genuinely concerned for me. He respects the fact that I have cut back on the wifely privileges because he wants to earn them. He isn't worried about my occupation or my past, he wants to be my future.
When sex with him does occur, its something cherished. I am not treated like those before me. He takes his time with the seduction. He makes sure I am pleased to the utmost. He puts in work, his tongue is the guide. He's not lead solely by his dick, his mind assist in seducing me. He learns all my pleasure spots,without asking. He nibbles on my neck,massages the knots out of my back,rubs on my booty just a little. His sweet kisses are impeccable, they make me wet as the mere thought of him.
When I am with him, I feel helpless like a child, as the spider to the fly. Yet, I am the Queen bumble bee, and He-the spider. The big booty bee, frozen in the fetal position, he puts his venom deep in me. Immobile like a coma patient, I want to move,but I cannot. I want to ride his well hung dick. I want to cum all over it. I wish I could take the lead,but I can't,I enjoy his power over me.
That is the man of my~Dreams~.
Happy 4th of July!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Dear Diary,June21.2011
Dear Diary:
I am up early this morning,on this official first day of summer. I have a few hours to play without a child of mine in sight,wow-a rare occasion, so why not write something.
My Blackberry is on silent, I had my V8,so I feel like I am on the top of the world this morning. No, I did not wake up to some morning wood. My mind is not bogged down with stress, and my heart is not heavy with trouble. I feel lighter this week due to cutting off some family members that were taking advantage of my kindness. Yes,sometimes its family not those in the streets who fuck you over.
Although my heart is not heavy, I am pondering a few characters and one individual in my life. I guess the easiest way I was told to deal with something, is to break it down to the simplest form...so I will do that this morning one by one.
Let's see who shall I pick apart first? LOL......ok,I will start with my Xmen,the characters that they are. Typical assholes and jerks, yup-you had me,so why concern yourself with what or whom I am doing now. IDK-nosy....curious,either way they are back to fan status,no more chances with me.
My Xman I named "Hostile"aka "Mr.Take Over Brother"he is being salty because I shared that I was involved with someone younger than himself,this stopped his stalker calls at 4am, and he quit begging to come spend the weekend to lay up and do absolutely nothing. He's being childish, I offered my friendship minus the sex,but I guess he cannot be a man and accept that...oh well.
Next there is my last Xman "Mr"he&I are amicable for the most still,but he is jealous I am back dating, I believe he was happy when I was moping over him, and building a wall up for anybody who came at me. I woke up to a text message from him sent at 2am, he tried to slick say I was too close to comfy with my next door neighbor. Guess he thinks I am doing him or was creeping with him when he was living with me. Um hell no,sad he thinks I am that type of woman and besides the neighbor is so not my type. By the way,he's not shared that he is involved with someone yet because he STILL wants to appear like he is the "good guy"working and not paying women no attention. He truly thinks, I am a fool. Its all good because we know that he left Atlanta to be with another woman or took one to Texas with him.
Moving along to the Tenderonie, OMG-this guy is truly a fucking work of art. A liar, and he flexed on Facebook about a hook up I was going to give him,and I revoked that upon reading the post. I have to HAVE to divulge his real age,omy I know its horrible, I hate to even write it....23! That tall string bean is only 23, I found out when he was speaking with a business associate of mine who happens to also be in the music production industry as well. He told me he was 26,that was still cutting it close,but damn 23,that is only 8years older than my oldest child. Yes, the thrill is gone. He flex on Facebook and on other things too, then lied about his age. Major strikes and a turn off. WTF can he do for me besides sling some dick?!
Yesterday Tenderonie called to ask can he come by and chill with me today because he needed to escape. Why is that? Why me? I know that I have said "come to this oasis,this island of me"but damn,that erotic poetic proclamation was not for the random man. That saying I came up with was clearly for my lover and my man. I am not a refuge for wayward men. I know my name is "Dream",but damn. I've already blocked his number,but he can text me. I have said that I am not having sex any longer til my birthday,ok...so what, I was not direct by saying "I am no longer sleeping with you".
I just figured out why I was not direct with my last message to the Tenderonie. I do not want to hurt him by saying I don't want his dick no more, I do not care what he is going through because he brought on this particular situation,and he is grown.
Lastly, I have someone else who say he's interested in me. He and I were suppose to attend the Braves game together last week,but my hectic family life put the brakes on that date night. I hated to cancel on him, I really want to date him,but I feel I am being apprehensive. He's a analyzer, that can be a good and bad thing. Often guys like that read stuff totally wrong, and trying to figure me out and the dynamics of my occupation will drive him nuts. He claims he can handle it, and wants a relationship with the "real" me,he likes the chick in front of the camera, but wants to know the woman,the MILF-the "real"me. That is fine, but I did explain to him that I am harder on the men who know me online and especially if you have seen me naked before meeting me in person.
I like him, not too crazy about the fact he is from Decatur and he has a big dick that I cannot touch til I get to know who he really is. (I've met his representative,now I want to meet the real him.)
Oh yeah, I felt that monster dick of his on my thigh when he surprised me with a hug then a kiss. He is a great kisser, my lips were very comfortable against his.
I am scared,that kiss gave me some powerful energy. The sexual energy I sense with him is very intense, very scary. I got to remain calm, date him, and let things happen naturally. It sucks that he is fully in the know of who I am, he knows how sexual of a person I can be. On the contrary, that is not all I am about, so I must take my time with him, I want him for my own. That is so selfish of me, but I want my name all over his dick, and no I do not want to share him with anyone....maybe his employer, and family-that is about it.
Like I do not give a fuck about the Tenderonie, and damn all my Xmen-this new crush, I want to be deemed "Property of Dream". I want my name...real and persona tatt'd on his neck or back,lol....I am so serious.com.
I made such a selfish statement to him,maybe it was the Mojitos talking,but I told him that I wanted him and I to go get tested before we had sex. BECAUSE I want to feel all of him no barriers, I want free range to do anything with him and he can do likewise. Hot damn, I am getting wet just thinking about it.
Wait hold up,back to reality I have got to get to know him first. I researched our Zodiac signs, not a good pair, but fuck it I am going to try it out anyway. I am going to date him the traditional way, everything should be cool. Long as I start "acting" like I want a relationship,lol...my homeboy told me I wasn't....and as long as he doesn't have any game in these beginning stages-we are double cool;however,if I detect an ounce of game, I am yielding and taking another course of action. I won't dismiss him,just change the outcome.
Its hard being my man because I do like communication, quality time, but I do not like being smothered-I like an equal balance of all,I so do not like initiating sex or anything ALL the damn time...I know men are not mind readers, but shit I am simple-I want time spent,I want my time away from you, and I want sex with only you....get's no easier than that.
Let's see if he can get it right.
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
I am up early this morning,on this official first day of summer. I have a few hours to play without a child of mine in sight,wow-a rare occasion, so why not write something.
My Blackberry is on silent, I had my V8,so I feel like I am on the top of the world this morning. No, I did not wake up to some morning wood. My mind is not bogged down with stress, and my heart is not heavy with trouble. I feel lighter this week due to cutting off some family members that were taking advantage of my kindness. Yes,sometimes its family not those in the streets who fuck you over.
Although my heart is not heavy, I am pondering a few characters and one individual in my life. I guess the easiest way I was told to deal with something, is to break it down to the simplest form...so I will do that this morning one by one.
Let's see who shall I pick apart first? LOL......ok,I will start with my Xmen,the characters that they are. Typical assholes and jerks, yup-you had me,so why concern yourself with what or whom I am doing now. IDK-nosy....curious,either way they are back to fan status,no more chances with me.
My Xman I named "Hostile"aka "Mr.Take Over Brother"he is being salty because I shared that I was involved with someone younger than himself,this stopped his stalker calls at 4am, and he quit begging to come spend the weekend to lay up and do absolutely nothing. He's being childish, I offered my friendship minus the sex,but I guess he cannot be a man and accept that...oh well.
Next there is my last Xman "Mr"he&I are amicable for the most still,but he is jealous I am back dating, I believe he was happy when I was moping over him, and building a wall up for anybody who came at me. I woke up to a text message from him sent at 2am, he tried to slick say I was too close to comfy with my next door neighbor. Guess he thinks I am doing him or was creeping with him when he was living with me. Um hell no,sad he thinks I am that type of woman and besides the neighbor is so not my type. By the way,he's not shared that he is involved with someone yet because he STILL wants to appear like he is the "good guy"working and not paying women no attention. He truly thinks, I am a fool. Its all good because we know that he left Atlanta to be with another woman or took one to Texas with him.
Moving along to the Tenderonie, OMG-this guy is truly a fucking work of art. A liar, and he flexed on Facebook about a hook up I was going to give him,and I revoked that upon reading the post. I have to HAVE to divulge his real age,omy I know its horrible, I hate to even write it....23! That tall string bean is only 23, I found out when he was speaking with a business associate of mine who happens to also be in the music production industry as well. He told me he was 26,that was still cutting it close,but damn 23,that is only 8years older than my oldest child. Yes, the thrill is gone. He flex on Facebook and on other things too, then lied about his age. Major strikes and a turn off. WTF can he do for me besides sling some dick?!
Yesterday Tenderonie called to ask can he come by and chill with me today because he needed to escape. Why is that? Why me? I know that I have said "come to this oasis,this island of me"but damn,that erotic poetic proclamation was not for the random man. That saying I came up with was clearly for my lover and my man. I am not a refuge for wayward men. I know my name is "Dream",but damn. I've already blocked his number,but he can text me. I have said that I am not having sex any longer til my birthday,ok...so what, I was not direct by saying "I am no longer sleeping with you".
I just figured out why I was not direct with my last message to the Tenderonie. I do not want to hurt him by saying I don't want his dick no more, I do not care what he is going through because he brought on this particular situation,and he is grown.
Lastly, I have someone else who say he's interested in me. He and I were suppose to attend the Braves game together last week,but my hectic family life put the brakes on that date night. I hated to cancel on him, I really want to date him,but I feel I am being apprehensive. He's a analyzer, that can be a good and bad thing. Often guys like that read stuff totally wrong, and trying to figure me out and the dynamics of my occupation will drive him nuts. He claims he can handle it, and wants a relationship with the "real" me,he likes the chick in front of the camera, but wants to know the woman,the MILF-the "real"me. That is fine, but I did explain to him that I am harder on the men who know me online and especially if you have seen me naked before meeting me in person.
I like him, not too crazy about the fact he is from Decatur and he has a big dick that I cannot touch til I get to know who he really is. (I've met his representative,now I want to meet the real him.)
Oh yeah, I felt that monster dick of his on my thigh when he surprised me with a hug then a kiss. He is a great kisser, my lips were very comfortable against his.
I am scared,that kiss gave me some powerful energy. The sexual energy I sense with him is very intense, very scary. I got to remain calm, date him, and let things happen naturally. It sucks that he is fully in the know of who I am, he knows how sexual of a person I can be. On the contrary, that is not all I am about, so I must take my time with him, I want him for my own. That is so selfish of me, but I want my name all over his dick, and no I do not want to share him with anyone....maybe his employer, and family-that is about it.
Like I do not give a fuck about the Tenderonie, and damn all my Xmen-this new crush, I want to be deemed "Property of Dream". I want my name...real and persona tatt'd on his neck or back,lol....I am so serious.com.
I made such a selfish statement to him,maybe it was the Mojitos talking,but I told him that I wanted him and I to go get tested before we had sex. BECAUSE I want to feel all of him no barriers, I want free range to do anything with him and he can do likewise. Hot damn, I am getting wet just thinking about it.
Wait hold up,back to reality I have got to get to know him first. I researched our Zodiac signs, not a good pair, but fuck it I am going to try it out anyway. I am going to date him the traditional way, everything should be cool. Long as I start "acting" like I want a relationship,lol...my homeboy told me I wasn't....and as long as he doesn't have any game in these beginning stages-we are double cool;however,if I detect an ounce of game, I am yielding and taking another course of action. I won't dismiss him,just change the outcome.
Its hard being my man because I do like communication, quality time, but I do not like being smothered-I like an equal balance of all,I so do not like initiating sex or anything ALL the damn time...I know men are not mind readers, but shit I am simple-I want time spent,I want my time away from you, and I want sex with only you....get's no easier than that.
Let's see if he can get it right.
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
Monday, June 13, 2011
Important Message! Ms. Atlanta Thick~Dream~Is Locked UP!!
This is a URGENT Manic Monday Message:
Ms. Atlanta Thick~Dream~is locked up!!
Fans, supporters and admirers bail her out ASAP,click the donate button on the link below:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ATL_ThickDream_fan_group/
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
From The Pages of my Diary-Date Night
Dear Diary:
Its been awhile since I have written anything in you, I have been busy with family and other BS. I barely have time for myself, so naturally I did not notice til recently that I was depriving myself. It was not intentional, time has flew past since the break up.
Masturbation has been holding me over, and going to sleep next to an empty pillow I have grown use to it.
I have remained amicable with "Mr"for who knows what reason. I know there is no way we are getting back together, I cannot even ask him personal stuff and he gets all uptight. I always hated that about him, he's all up in mind, but you can't ask him shit about his business.
I decided to go out on a date,I have been posted up in the house since he left. I felt like I was kinda hiding from something. Maybe, I am afraid of being attracted to someone and it leading down a road of disaster.
This one guy I had been avoiding, he called to see if I wanted to go out-I finally accepted his invitation. The only reason why I had not been out with him, was he's a artist and business person too. I always said I would "never date a rapper or stripper,etc."because I did not want to be a groupie nor did I want to compete with them.
I wasn't doing shit else, so I got my butt up to get ready and straightened up my room, in case we came back to my place. I took my slow ass time. He kept texting "Dream, do not stand me up again now". LOL,he already knew because I was about to go to bed when I got out of the shower, but for some odd reason I felt I had to do this. I threw on my dress,leaving behind my stiletto's, bra and panties. "Fuck it, he's rushing me and its too hot for all that anyway"I said.
We did wind up coming back to my place, I gave him a mini tour of "De La Casa Dream". We had a couple of drinks, I showed him my site, he was impressed and shocked. He did not know the capacity of what I "do". He said,"I am hooked now, on Ms. Atlanta Thick Dream". "Oh boy, what did I do?" I thought to myself.
He made the first move, he grabbed my waist causing me to fall back on him. Then he kissed me, very hard. His tongue had a lot of force behind it, which meant he could eat pussy really well....and that he did. He ate my pussy from the back to the front, I shook from the pleasure.
This man had me under a spell of some sort-I was surprised how submissive I was being to him. I had no plans of having sex with him....well, not that night. He did all the things my body needed from gentle touching to licking and biting.
I did my best to hold back from making any sounds, I wanted him to work extra hard at pleasing me.
When he dropped his jeans, peeping out his boxers was a huge dick. "OMG,yes lawd,just what I need"saying to myself. I pretended not to look at it, I glanced and grabbed the condoms. As he put on the condom he was talking "Dream I bet you had no clue I had a dick this big". All I could do was shake my head no, and look in amazement.
The sex was awesome, my pussy handled that big dick very well. She was very tight and wet, he enjoyed that a lot. He is very vocal during sex-"oh Dream,this pussy is so fucking good Dream"he kept repeating. Sexually he is very aggressive. He pulled my hair and slapped my ass. "Say my name Dream"...."look at me when I am fucking you Dream"...."I had no clue I'd be fucking you like this Dream, tell me if you like this dick Dream"he wouldn't stop talking.
I loved the lil squealing noise he made when I bounced my ass on his dick and squeezed my pussy muscles on his dick. We did that sequence all night long. I know my neighbors heard us fucking. We took lil breaks to watch TV, when I thought it was over....he would nestle next to me and provide a simple juicy kiss, and it was on again.
All I was thinking throughout the night, "damn, its been a long time since I've got fucked like this" and "damn, can he go" but I held my own despite the ten year age difference between the two of us. He winds up tapping out first. He said,"ok Dream, I tap out...you won".
You know he asked could he own the pussy, hell if he does it like that again....I just might loan it to him,lol. I could wake up to some good dick like that, but have it in my face everyday....I do not know about that one. I maybe open to a relationship of discretion, taking it/him public will more than likely not happen.
I have two other men that I proposed a polyamorous situation too, both were cool with the idea. If he agrees, then that will complete my trio. Unless I have that one who can give me all that I require-quality time, support me in all aspects-sexually, and emotionally.
I know my fans and supporters are looking for more from me, but right now things are slow. My paid to be featured Co Star slots are still an option for those who qualify. My Fantasy Fulfillment/Birthday Party is July9th, that is where my focus has been.
I thought about asking him or the other two to do a flick with me.....nah. Its way too soon, and the other two I have not had sex with yet. Plus, I have NEVER had to ask anyone to Co Star, they've always volunteered to assist.
I have guys who I can shoot with, but i just do not want to for one or two reasons-the vibe is not there or they are a bug-a-boo and do not deserve to even smell my pussy.
And the middle finger goes up to those who did not think I was celibate or have abstained from sex prior to my date night. Hell, its not that hard,lol,just keep your legs closed and avoid the BS....I had to put my foot down,and it worked.
And kiss my phat ass to those who think that a plus size chick does not have options in dating whom she wants. That is such a lie, I have options. I am very picky who I spend my time with.
With that said,write in you later.
~Dream~
Its been awhile since I have written anything in you, I have been busy with family and other BS. I barely have time for myself, so naturally I did not notice til recently that I was depriving myself. It was not intentional, time has flew past since the break up.
Masturbation has been holding me over, and going to sleep next to an empty pillow I have grown use to it.
I have remained amicable with "Mr"for who knows what reason. I know there is no way we are getting back together, I cannot even ask him personal stuff and he gets all uptight. I always hated that about him, he's all up in mind, but you can't ask him shit about his business.
I decided to go out on a date,I have been posted up in the house since he left. I felt like I was kinda hiding from something. Maybe, I am afraid of being attracted to someone and it leading down a road of disaster.
This one guy I had been avoiding, he called to see if I wanted to go out-I finally accepted his invitation. The only reason why I had not been out with him, was he's a artist and business person too. I always said I would "never date a rapper or stripper,etc."because I did not want to be a groupie nor did I want to compete with them.
I wasn't doing shit else, so I got my butt up to get ready and straightened up my room, in case we came back to my place. I took my slow ass time. He kept texting "Dream, do not stand me up again now". LOL,he already knew because I was about to go to bed when I got out of the shower, but for some odd reason I felt I had to do this. I threw on my dress,leaving behind my stiletto's, bra and panties. "Fuck it, he's rushing me and its too hot for all that anyway"I said.
We did wind up coming back to my place, I gave him a mini tour of "De La Casa Dream". We had a couple of drinks, I showed him my site, he was impressed and shocked. He did not know the capacity of what I "do". He said,"I am hooked now, on Ms. Atlanta Thick Dream". "Oh boy, what did I do?" I thought to myself.
He made the first move, he grabbed my waist causing me to fall back on him. Then he kissed me, very hard. His tongue had a lot of force behind it, which meant he could eat pussy really well....and that he did. He ate my pussy from the back to the front, I shook from the pleasure.
This man had me under a spell of some sort-I was surprised how submissive I was being to him. I had no plans of having sex with him....well, not that night. He did all the things my body needed from gentle touching to licking and biting.
I did my best to hold back from making any sounds, I wanted him to work extra hard at pleasing me.
When he dropped his jeans, peeping out his boxers was a huge dick. "OMG,yes lawd,just what I need"saying to myself. I pretended not to look at it, I glanced and grabbed the condoms. As he put on the condom he was talking "Dream I bet you had no clue I had a dick this big". All I could do was shake my head no, and look in amazement.
The sex was awesome, my pussy handled that big dick very well. She was very tight and wet, he enjoyed that a lot. He is very vocal during sex-"oh Dream,this pussy is so fucking good Dream"he kept repeating. Sexually he is very aggressive. He pulled my hair and slapped my ass. "Say my name Dream"...."look at me when I am fucking you Dream"...."I had no clue I'd be fucking you like this Dream, tell me if you like this dick Dream"he wouldn't stop talking.
I loved the lil squealing noise he made when I bounced my ass on his dick and squeezed my pussy muscles on his dick. We did that sequence all night long. I know my neighbors heard us fucking. We took lil breaks to watch TV, when I thought it was over....he would nestle next to me and provide a simple juicy kiss, and it was on again.
All I was thinking throughout the night, "damn, its been a long time since I've got fucked like this" and "damn, can he go" but I held my own despite the ten year age difference between the two of us. He winds up tapping out first. He said,"ok Dream, I tap out...you won".
You know he asked could he own the pussy, hell if he does it like that again....I just might loan it to him,lol. I could wake up to some good dick like that, but have it in my face everyday....I do not know about that one. I maybe open to a relationship of discretion, taking it/him public will more than likely not happen.
I have two other men that I proposed a polyamorous situation too, both were cool with the idea. If he agrees, then that will complete my trio. Unless I have that one who can give me all that I require-quality time, support me in all aspects-sexually, and emotionally.
I know my fans and supporters are looking for more from me, but right now things are slow. My paid to be featured Co Star slots are still an option for those who qualify. My Fantasy Fulfillment/Birthday Party is July9th, that is where my focus has been.
I thought about asking him or the other two to do a flick with me.....nah. Its way too soon, and the other two I have not had sex with yet. Plus, I have NEVER had to ask anyone to Co Star, they've always volunteered to assist.
I have guys who I can shoot with, but i just do not want to for one or two reasons-the vibe is not there or they are a bug-a-boo and do not deserve to even smell my pussy.
And the middle finger goes up to those who did not think I was celibate or have abstained from sex prior to my date night. Hell, its not that hard,lol,just keep your legs closed and avoid the BS....I had to put my foot down,and it worked.
And kiss my phat ass to those who think that a plus size chick does not have options in dating whom she wants. That is such a lie, I have options. I am very picky who I spend my time with.
With that said,write in you later.
~Dream~
Friday, April 22, 2011
From The Pages of My Diary2
Dear Diary-look what I found when I cleaned out my closet, a letter to Mr.
Dear Duke:
I'm taking the time to write down my thoughts about you and I. This may seem silly to you or a repeat of what we've spoken about. I believe writing can be therapy at times when you can't get your points across.
When I met you, you sold me with your charm, tone, and conversation. Then it wasn't about who business and who day was the most stressful. Then-it seemed genuine...why? Because we/you were attentive to each other.
I thought we had a genuine interest in each other. Seemed so innocent and harmless. Sharing out past experiences was something we did and nothing was wrong with it. Now its like I can't talk to you about the simplest things-not without you going off on me or taking one point out of the whole conversation and riding on it. So...so...so not fair.
You know that our relationship isn't built off sex. Yet we both expressed in the beginning the importance of "good sex" we toasted to it. Despite the issues you have sexually, I came to you and said,"as long as the quality is good,I won't complain,verse the the quantity of sex".
You think that I'm "unhappy' because of the sex? Why would you think that, are you guilty because you are aware of what it takes to keep me "happy"? Are you guilty because you haven't been doing it? Sex isn't what makes me happy-having a mate who loves and cares about me equally, that's what makes me happy. Having a man who spends time with me-that makes me happy. Having a man who is happy and healthy-that makes me happy. Being alive makes me happy. Being able to pay bills-that makes me happy.
I've accepted a lot of things about this relationship, but I will not accept that you are just not that into me, that's what I don't want to believe. It seems simple and it would answer all my unknowns about us. I refuse to go for that answer. I believe you're that guy you said you were. The loving, catering, gentleman-the lover, not a fighter kind of guy.
Money seems like an issue with us, I just hope it doesn't destroy what we can have. My needs sexually are strong and not NEVER hidden. I believe yours are also, but you find satisfaction in other areas such as sex text and pic/dick mail sharing to others. I may "get off" to other things than you;however, nothing and no one is suppose to be pleasing me, but YOU! A sex toy or my hands shouldn't be relied upon to give me pleasure-that's your job as my man. Just like how I'm willing or have been willing to please you sexually by any means. Your desire to get me off should be the exact same-that's if you care. I suck you off to get it up and stay up. I've learned that about you. How have you learned to turn me on? How many different ways have you tried to make me cum? How many times have you placed your face between my thighs and went exploring?
Anyway, I hope things turn around quickly so you and I can actually date/court each other. I enjoy going out with my man, not going out separately.
Also, I don't want to grow cold-we are too new for all that. We should be spending blissful evenings with each other and passionate days in each others thoughts throughout.
Real talk, I'm hoping there is space in your heart for me. Maybe its just me, but I feel like you don't like me like you portray. Sometimes even when we have sex-I feel that way too. I have to tell you to kiss me during sex? I want to be touched, rubbed, kissed the same I do you. I want all that energy and passion given back to me. Being tired is one thing and not interested in someone is another.
Ask yourself-if you had a better job, more money, own place, personal training school done, and well rested-would you be involved with me?
Here is a list of things I don't want to see happen with us:
Cheating
Lying
Animosity
Jealousy
Resentment
Silence
Distance
Poor communication
Deprivation
Separation-A break up
Things I'd like to see us do:
Accomplish
Acquire
Achieve
Succeed
Pray
Love
Support/Praise
Travel
Be in tune with each other, knowing when the other is lacking or needing or depleting, be on a higher level with each other beyond sex, and material possessions. Be able to finish each others thoughts.
Become 1
Well, now after reading this letter signs were present early on. My intuition was working overtime. The teary moments on a cold bathroom floor came back fresh to me. I was confused a lot at times. One day he would be playful,affectionate, then cold and harsh the next. We did manage to accomplish some of the things on my list, those are the things that I underlined...good and bad. For the life of me, I still cannot understand how we were able to finish each others thoughts and sentences. Perhaps, we are both slightly clairvoyant?
**Disclaimer, this blog is for entertainment purposes only (combination of fact & fiction). Names, places, and some events have been altered for the privacy of the author and her counterparts. **
Dear Duke:
I'm taking the time to write down my thoughts about you and I. This may seem silly to you or a repeat of what we've spoken about. I believe writing can be therapy at times when you can't get your points across.
When I met you, you sold me with your charm, tone, and conversation. Then it wasn't about who business and who day was the most stressful. Then-it seemed genuine...why? Because we/you were attentive to each other.
I thought we had a genuine interest in each other. Seemed so innocent and harmless. Sharing out past experiences was something we did and nothing was wrong with it. Now its like I can't talk to you about the simplest things-not without you going off on me or taking one point out of the whole conversation and riding on it. So...so...so not fair.
You know that our relationship isn't built off sex. Yet we both expressed in the beginning the importance of "good sex" we toasted to it. Despite the issues you have sexually, I came to you and said,"as long as the quality is good,I won't complain,verse the the quantity of sex".
You think that I'm "unhappy' because of the sex? Why would you think that, are you guilty because you are aware of what it takes to keep me "happy"? Are you guilty because you haven't been doing it? Sex isn't what makes me happy-having a mate who loves and cares about me equally, that's what makes me happy. Having a man who spends time with me-that makes me happy. Having a man who is happy and healthy-that makes me happy. Being alive makes me happy. Being able to pay bills-that makes me happy.
I've accepted a lot of things about this relationship, but I will not accept that you are just not that into me, that's what I don't want to believe. It seems simple and it would answer all my unknowns about us. I refuse to go for that answer. I believe you're that guy you said you were. The loving, catering, gentleman-the lover, not a fighter kind of guy.
Money seems like an issue with us, I just hope it doesn't destroy what we can have. My needs sexually are strong and not NEVER hidden. I believe yours are also, but you find satisfaction in other areas such as sex text and pic/dick mail sharing to others. I may "get off" to other things than you;however, nothing and no one is suppose to be pleasing me, but YOU! A sex toy or my hands shouldn't be relied upon to give me pleasure-that's your job as my man. Just like how I'm willing or have been willing to please you sexually by any means. Your desire to get me off should be the exact same-that's if you care. I suck you off to get it up and stay up. I've learned that about you. How have you learned to turn me on? How many different ways have you tried to make me cum? How many times have you placed your face between my thighs and went exploring?
Anyway, I hope things turn around quickly so you and I can actually date/court each other. I enjoy going out with my man, not going out separately.
Also, I don't want to grow cold-we are too new for all that. We should be spending blissful evenings with each other and passionate days in each others thoughts throughout.
Real talk, I'm hoping there is space in your heart for me. Maybe its just me, but I feel like you don't like me like you portray. Sometimes even when we have sex-I feel that way too. I have to tell you to kiss me during sex? I want to be touched, rubbed, kissed the same I do you. I want all that energy and passion given back to me. Being tired is one thing and not interested in someone is another.
Ask yourself-if you had a better job, more money, own place, personal training school done, and well rested-would you be involved with me?
Here is a list of things I don't want to see happen with us:
Cheating
Lying
Animosity
Jealousy
Resentment
Silence
Distance
Poor communication
Deprivation
Separation-A break up
Things I'd like to see us do:
Accomplish
Acquire
Achieve
Succeed
Pray
Love
Support/Praise
Travel
Be in tune with each other, knowing when the other is lacking or needing or depleting, be on a higher level with each other beyond sex, and material possessions. Be able to finish each others thoughts.
Become 1
Well, now after reading this letter signs were present early on. My intuition was working overtime. The teary moments on a cold bathroom floor came back fresh to me. I was confused a lot at times. One day he would be playful,affectionate, then cold and harsh the next. We did manage to accomplish some of the things on my list, those are the things that I underlined...good and bad. For the life of me, I still cannot understand how we were able to finish each others thoughts and sentences. Perhaps, we are both slightly clairvoyant?
**Disclaimer, this blog is for entertainment purposes only (combination of fact & fiction). Names, places, and some events have been altered for the privacy of the author and her counterparts. **
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
From The Pages of my Diary
Dear Diary:
I had to dust you off,I did not know where else to turn, my mind was filled with thoughts and my heart heavy with emotion.
These past days have been long and hard, I am thankful that I have managed to resist the bottle. However, tonight I hold my glass high, two shots of Vodka I tossed back.
Today felt very different, it was in a way...a rebirth of me, this journey he and I was on has came to an end. It was not unexpected, it was inevitable. Just like the one before him, I grieved him long before this occurred, so the pain is not as bad yet it was stronger.
The team we worked so hard to be apart of, was always a struggle. There was never a complete compromise. He felt too old to take my advice. I took his,but altered it so much he could not tell.
I am going to miss the lovemaking, gourmet meals, and all that extra nice stuff men do for their lady. Yes, I was slightly spoiled. When it rained, he was there to drive the car around and hold the umbrella for me. I will miss that. His sexy deep baritone with a Gulf Coast accent,whispering sweet nothings in my ear, he would make me giggle like a school girl and moist like a Sani-Cloth.
He has some good traits about himself, and we shared a lot of good times. He was a beast in deciphering bullshit, he kept me a brisk of what business to do or who to avoid in the business. He'll always have a special place in my heart.
Although I was head over heels in love with this gent, when I share with you his darker side-even you will wonder why. Maybe because it was tolerable, and at the time he was serving his purpose in my life...boyfriend, body guard, business partner and personal chef.
We all have issues you know, but his are deeper than just relationships they go back from infancy. He was born to an accomplished father and a irresponsible mother, who later on abandoned him. She failed him as a parent, and neglected to get her son circumcised (which gave him a complex about his penis).
When his mother left, it attributed to his controlling personality. See, he has to have control because other parts of his life are out of order, and what better way to make himself feel powerful than to control a beautiful woman.
It sounds funny now, but he would attempt to control me with his penis and our sex. Certain times of the night, after midnight, I could not ask for sex. Often he was "tired"and lost erection during sex. He blamed it on stress and his life not being "right"at that moment.
I found that hard to believe. A healthy athletic male having erectile issues, the same man who successfully attained a sex Goddess/actress as his girlfriend/partner. Humm,I highly doubt that stress was the root of his limp noodle.
For months, I dealt with it, not putting up a fuss. When he stayed out one night too many,I began to see the big picture. I knew early on he was on some bullshit, but kept my mouth shut for the most part.
On the nights he stayed out overnight, I made sure that the loving he was not giving me at home, I got it elsewhere. I felt I had no choice, he would withhold sex from me, I was so horny once I cried myself to sleep, afraid to come onto him for sex after the midnight hour.
His reasons for not coming home would vary from falling sleep at his cousin house, to being too distraught to drive after finding out a loved one passed away. Oh yes, he was good, but not good as I.
He trusted me, too much I think. It got so bad, one morning I almost beat him out the door. He was heading to a job he hated, I was heading to a "meeting"with the ladies. I laid up all day at a hotel down the street from where he worked. When he called to say he was on his way home, I would drop everything, to make damned sure to beat him there. And I had dinner waiting.
I did not waste too much time with the others, they were just "fillers"he had my heart and was a part of my family. The others had worse issues than he, I did not have time to entertain any of them. One I found had a "thing"for transgenders. He proposed marriage to me on numerous occasions, often he begged to take me on all expense paid trips to stores and islands.
One horny afternoon, I allowed my hottie trainer to bring me some of his "meaty" delight. He had my pussy for lunch. The sex was outstanding, he came from behind like a freight train. I made sure that we remained out of the bedroom, that was the sanctuary. My body was very pleased when he left. On this day, when Mr came home, I was the one tired that night.
A tear came down my eye just now, I remember being live on webcam he made an ass out of me, on more than one occasion. My fans saw how he was merely part of the furniture, he did not care either, and would often say so. He never was able to give me a good fuck on camera. I learned recently it was because he is self consciousness about the size of his penis, so yes-he's insecure. Little penis, strong personality, so what-I grew to love him. I spoiled him just like he spoiled me in the beginning, but I never got comfortable with mine. I was able to maintain my home, him and the others out in the street. I upgraded him, from major relaxed to Calvin Klein jeans and Ralph Lauren polos. When we met he was wearing old school KSwiss and a green nylon warm up. Why did I do it? Emotionally at times, he was my rock, I had to invest in him. I feel that your mate is a representation of you so he had to truly rep for me. I did what I could to help him from NIKE warms ups,sneakers, phone bill paid, and cash to his teenage son for driving school. I didn't mind, he made me happy.
One big part I am leaving out, he's brash and often would hurt my feelings without knowing it. That and him taking periodic calls outside in his car, kept me wondering how he truly felt about me. I would always tell him how I felt about him and backed up my words with actions. He seemed like he was into me one day and the next I would be clueless. Regardless, we were very affectionate and loving for the most part,I saw him as my soul mate....he called me his "help mate". Yet and still....something was not right. Nope, he never said that he loved me;however, that did not stop me from saying it frequently.
The last time I visited another, he was not working, I left him home with the children. It had been a week since he'd touched me, and a month after he "lost" his job (I found that out by accident one day I was bringing him lunch).
The throbbing pains in my pussy were unbearable. I gave into my friend, a former NBA player. His body was a piece of art, every muscle you can see and name. He was the perfect height to handle my 62 inch ass, he took me missionary. He had me going for all but what maybe five minutes, and he gave out of steam. "Shit"I said to myself, and that was the last straw, I decided to hang up my player cap, and keep it home. I then allowed things to happen naturally between Mr and I. I decided if we were going to be over with, it will happen on its on or if we were going to stay together I am not doing anything extra to make him stay. I stopped buying, and started spending on myself. I did not force the break, I did not run him away;however, I admit I prolonged it slightly by biting my tongue.
I allowed him to become the ruler in my castle. Why? Why not? LOL, he had no home of his own, so why not allow him to play house in mine. It was fun seeing him bent down in front of my stove, scrubbing my toilets, and helping my children with their homework. What woman wouldn't want that?
Having The King (Mr.Jack-of-all trades:cook, mechanic, advisor, trainer, and lover) home all the time,got old quick when he became irritated when I started to mention him looking for work or I would ask when was he going to start the business he aspired to have.
What happened? His time at the gym suddenly increased, and so did the calls out in his car. He was plotting a way out. How did I know? My intuition spoke to me every time he was up to something, and she was never wrong. "My man is planning his great escape and there is nothing I can do"I said to myself. I attempted to tread lightly until he left, I wanted to savor every moment because I knew it was going to be our last.
The morning he left, we made love like no other, in front of a mirror,his dick...hard as steel-now ain't that some shit. I did not know whether to moan from the arousal or cry because this was it. So I did both. I cried out,"oh honey this is sooo fucking good" along with some "I love you's" in between. He sexed me like a champion, a true warrior. And like a warrior, he left his "mark"and released himself inside of my pussy.
The last conversation was dry and pointless. The look in his eyes showed he had removed his emotions because this is something he "had to do"he probably told himself.
You know what gave him away? The kiss-it said it all....more than words could ever say. It told on him, yes-kisses are snitches. His kiss confirmed that "trip" he was leaving for was nothing but an extended vacation, no matter what his mouth said-the kiss backed up my intuition...again.
The door closed, my heart stopped beating for a second and I held my breath til the tears broke through. I sat on the edge of my empty bed, grabbing for his pillow and tossing it. I wished he was there to receive that pillow upside his head.
I did not pick up my phone, I went to my closet and I started to clean. I took an entire weekend cleaning it, organizing it, making space for a man that I knew in my heart would never return. Silly of me, but it was symbolic and somewhat therapy. It kept me from running to the others, they did not deserve me in such an emotional state. I wanted to deal with this on my own, and I did. It wasn't easy hiding my emotions from my fans, friends, and family.
Lately I've been hiding in my work, networking, planning, and collaborating to keep me busy.
He's been here supporting me from afar, but its simply not the same. I needed his body either in front of my camera or holding it, neither option was available, so I did what I had to do-keep the business going in his absence. Because we were amicable for the most part, I felt nothing wrong with mesharing my thoughts with him on my projects. He seemed cool,on board for the most part with everything, and understood I had to conduct business.
HAHAHA!! Yeah right, that was far from the truth, he snapped when I shared that I had replaced him as Co Star, which meant I had sex with someone else. I told him about a production I did, and it would not be out for another couple of weeks. I do not know which he was more angry about, the fact I didn't tell him when I did the flick or that I had sex with someone else. I am guessing it was a little of both.
My intuition told me "if he cared so much, he would have never left,and business would have been business as usual". She knows her stuff.
Well, Mr got pissed at me for saying "it was you I was thinking about when we were filming the scene". He was so upset, he hung up the phone, but before the call disconnected he said"that is some bullshit, and I am not having this discussion". Of course, I had to have the last words, texting is my weapon, my words are like hot bullets. I text and text until I ran out of things to say, somethings were good and some were horribly bad-yet all truths. I had finally stopped biting my tongue, I had not saved him from my lethal verbal beat down. This time I did not cry when all was said and done. I will not contact him again, he is no use to me anymore. He's disposable,always been replaceable. I just "spared' him many times because he was my honey, my Mr.Potential. I chose him, true indeed, but ultimately he controlled our fate and our destiny.
He wishes to be dead to me, so deceased he shall be. "Mr"was nothing more than a learning experience and to him I am merely a ~Dream~.
**Disclaimer, this blog is for entertainment purposes only (combination of fact & fiction). Names, places, and some events have been altered for the privacy of the author and her counterparts. **
I had to dust you off,I did not know where else to turn, my mind was filled with thoughts and my heart heavy with emotion.
These past days have been long and hard, I am thankful that I have managed to resist the bottle. However, tonight I hold my glass high, two shots of Vodka I tossed back.
Today felt very different, it was in a way...a rebirth of me, this journey he and I was on has came to an end. It was not unexpected, it was inevitable. Just like the one before him, I grieved him long before this occurred, so the pain is not as bad yet it was stronger.
The team we worked so hard to be apart of, was always a struggle. There was never a complete compromise. He felt too old to take my advice. I took his,but altered it so much he could not tell.
I am going to miss the lovemaking, gourmet meals, and all that extra nice stuff men do for their lady. Yes, I was slightly spoiled. When it rained, he was there to drive the car around and hold the umbrella for me. I will miss that. His sexy deep baritone with a Gulf Coast accent,whispering sweet nothings in my ear, he would make me giggle like a school girl and moist like a Sani-Cloth.
He has some good traits about himself, and we shared a lot of good times. He was a beast in deciphering bullshit, he kept me a brisk of what business to do or who to avoid in the business. He'll always have a special place in my heart.
Although I was head over heels in love with this gent, when I share with you his darker side-even you will wonder why. Maybe because it was tolerable, and at the time he was serving his purpose in my life...boyfriend, body guard, business partner and personal chef.
We all have issues you know, but his are deeper than just relationships they go back from infancy. He was born to an accomplished father and a irresponsible mother, who later on abandoned him. She failed him as a parent, and neglected to get her son circumcised (which gave him a complex about his penis).
When his mother left, it attributed to his controlling personality. See, he has to have control because other parts of his life are out of order, and what better way to make himself feel powerful than to control a beautiful woman.
It sounds funny now, but he would attempt to control me with his penis and our sex. Certain times of the night, after midnight, I could not ask for sex. Often he was "tired"and lost erection during sex. He blamed it on stress and his life not being "right"at that moment.
I found that hard to believe. A healthy athletic male having erectile issues, the same man who successfully attained a sex Goddess/actress as his girlfriend/partner. Humm,I highly doubt that stress was the root of his limp noodle.
For months, I dealt with it, not putting up a fuss. When he stayed out one night too many,I began to see the big picture. I knew early on he was on some bullshit, but kept my mouth shut for the most part.
On the nights he stayed out overnight, I made sure that the loving he was not giving me at home, I got it elsewhere. I felt I had no choice, he would withhold sex from me, I was so horny once I cried myself to sleep, afraid to come onto him for sex after the midnight hour.
His reasons for not coming home would vary from falling sleep at his cousin house, to being too distraught to drive after finding out a loved one passed away. Oh yes, he was good, but not good as I.
He trusted me, too much I think. It got so bad, one morning I almost beat him out the door. He was heading to a job he hated, I was heading to a "meeting"with the ladies. I laid up all day at a hotel down the street from where he worked. When he called to say he was on his way home, I would drop everything, to make damned sure to beat him there. And I had dinner waiting.
I did not waste too much time with the others, they were just "fillers"he had my heart and was a part of my family. The others had worse issues than he, I did not have time to entertain any of them. One I found had a "thing"for transgenders. He proposed marriage to me on numerous occasions, often he begged to take me on all expense paid trips to stores and islands.
One horny afternoon, I allowed my hottie trainer to bring me some of his "meaty" delight. He had my pussy for lunch. The sex was outstanding, he came from behind like a freight train. I made sure that we remained out of the bedroom, that was the sanctuary. My body was very pleased when he left. On this day, when Mr came home, I was the one tired that night.
A tear came down my eye just now, I remember being live on webcam he made an ass out of me, on more than one occasion. My fans saw how he was merely part of the furniture, he did not care either, and would often say so. He never was able to give me a good fuck on camera. I learned recently it was because he is self consciousness about the size of his penis, so yes-he's insecure. Little penis, strong personality, so what-I grew to love him. I spoiled him just like he spoiled me in the beginning, but I never got comfortable with mine. I was able to maintain my home, him and the others out in the street. I upgraded him, from major relaxed to Calvin Klein jeans and Ralph Lauren polos. When we met he was wearing old school KSwiss and a green nylon warm up. Why did I do it? Emotionally at times, he was my rock, I had to invest in him. I feel that your mate is a representation of you so he had to truly rep for me. I did what I could to help him from NIKE warms ups,sneakers, phone bill paid, and cash to his teenage son for driving school. I didn't mind, he made me happy.
One big part I am leaving out, he's brash and often would hurt my feelings without knowing it. That and him taking periodic calls outside in his car, kept me wondering how he truly felt about me. I would always tell him how I felt about him and backed up my words with actions. He seemed like he was into me one day and the next I would be clueless. Regardless, we were very affectionate and loving for the most part,I saw him as my soul mate....he called me his "help mate". Yet and still....something was not right. Nope, he never said that he loved me;however, that did not stop me from saying it frequently.
The last time I visited another, he was not working, I left him home with the children. It had been a week since he'd touched me, and a month after he "lost" his job (I found that out by accident one day I was bringing him lunch).
The throbbing pains in my pussy were unbearable. I gave into my friend, a former NBA player. His body was a piece of art, every muscle you can see and name. He was the perfect height to handle my 62 inch ass, he took me missionary. He had me going for all but what maybe five minutes, and he gave out of steam. "Shit"I said to myself, and that was the last straw, I decided to hang up my player cap, and keep it home. I then allowed things to happen naturally between Mr and I. I decided if we were going to be over with, it will happen on its on or if we were going to stay together I am not doing anything extra to make him stay. I stopped buying, and started spending on myself. I did not force the break, I did not run him away;however, I admit I prolonged it slightly by biting my tongue.
I allowed him to become the ruler in my castle. Why? Why not? LOL, he had no home of his own, so why not allow him to play house in mine. It was fun seeing him bent down in front of my stove, scrubbing my toilets, and helping my children with their homework. What woman wouldn't want that?
Having The King (Mr.Jack-of-all trades:cook, mechanic, advisor, trainer, and lover) home all the time,got old quick when he became irritated when I started to mention him looking for work or I would ask when was he going to start the business he aspired to have.
What happened? His time at the gym suddenly increased, and so did the calls out in his car. He was plotting a way out. How did I know? My intuition spoke to me every time he was up to something, and she was never wrong. "My man is planning his great escape and there is nothing I can do"I said to myself. I attempted to tread lightly until he left, I wanted to savor every moment because I knew it was going to be our last.
The morning he left, we made love like no other, in front of a mirror,his dick...hard as steel-now ain't that some shit. I did not know whether to moan from the arousal or cry because this was it. So I did both. I cried out,"oh honey this is sooo fucking good" along with some "I love you's" in between. He sexed me like a champion, a true warrior. And like a warrior, he left his "mark"and released himself inside of my pussy.
The last conversation was dry and pointless. The look in his eyes showed he had removed his emotions because this is something he "had to do"he probably told himself.
You know what gave him away? The kiss-it said it all....more than words could ever say. It told on him, yes-kisses are snitches. His kiss confirmed that "trip" he was leaving for was nothing but an extended vacation, no matter what his mouth said-the kiss backed up my intuition...again.
The door closed, my heart stopped beating for a second and I held my breath til the tears broke through. I sat on the edge of my empty bed, grabbing for his pillow and tossing it. I wished he was there to receive that pillow upside his head.
I did not pick up my phone, I went to my closet and I started to clean. I took an entire weekend cleaning it, organizing it, making space for a man that I knew in my heart would never return. Silly of me, but it was symbolic and somewhat therapy. It kept me from running to the others, they did not deserve me in such an emotional state. I wanted to deal with this on my own, and I did. It wasn't easy hiding my emotions from my fans, friends, and family.
Lately I've been hiding in my work, networking, planning, and collaborating to keep me busy.
He's been here supporting me from afar, but its simply not the same. I needed his body either in front of my camera or holding it, neither option was available, so I did what I had to do-keep the business going in his absence. Because we were amicable for the most part, I felt nothing wrong with mesharing my thoughts with him on my projects. He seemed cool,on board for the most part with everything, and understood I had to conduct business.
HAHAHA!! Yeah right, that was far from the truth, he snapped when I shared that I had replaced him as Co Star, which meant I had sex with someone else. I told him about a production I did, and it would not be out for another couple of weeks. I do not know which he was more angry about, the fact I didn't tell him when I did the flick or that I had sex with someone else. I am guessing it was a little of both.
My intuition told me "if he cared so much, he would have never left,and business would have been business as usual". She knows her stuff.
Well, Mr got pissed at me for saying "it was you I was thinking about when we were filming the scene". He was so upset, he hung up the phone, but before the call disconnected he said"that is some bullshit, and I am not having this discussion". Of course, I had to have the last words, texting is my weapon, my words are like hot bullets. I text and text until I ran out of things to say, somethings were good and some were horribly bad-yet all truths. I had finally stopped biting my tongue, I had not saved him from my lethal verbal beat down. This time I did not cry when all was said and done. I will not contact him again, he is no use to me anymore. He's disposable,always been replaceable. I just "spared' him many times because he was my honey, my Mr.Potential. I chose him, true indeed, but ultimately he controlled our fate and our destiny.
He wishes to be dead to me, so deceased he shall be. "Mr"was nothing more than a learning experience and to him I am merely a ~Dream~.
**Disclaimer, this blog is for entertainment purposes only (combination of fact & fiction). Names, places, and some events have been altered for the privacy of the author and her counterparts. **
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