Dear Diary:
I have been up since 4am, woke up from this totally weird dream. Had to do with money and a man, I tell you those are always on mind. For some odd reason, I just cannot shake the thoughts of this one individual, as much as I want to, and probably need to. I cannot stop thinking about them.
I probably dreamed of money because I could always use some extra,lol, like the person on my mind. I could use a little bit more of them.
I fell asleep after watching an HBO porn documentary, I learned a lot by hearing the views of the industry from seasoned entertainers. I agreed with Heather Hunter when she said it was so much easier dealing with people in the industry, and she is right...its harder dealing with people in the "real world".
I am sure she has had the same struggles I deal with in my personal life. You can conjur up any kind of man...from his height to the size of his penis, but more than likely he is a fan or despise what you do and tries to change you.
People have no clue how difficult it is to try to have a somewhat normal sex life after doing any kind of porn, whether its at home amateur porn or mainstream, the results are pretty much the same.
Men think that I have so much sex, and that I am this sex kitten. LOL, I mean I do love sex and it can be slightly addictive;however, I am selective with whom I play with personally. To be honest, I usually do not have sex no more than twice per month. Sometimes, it can be less if I am holding out based on principle, I am so big on that its not funny.
What's crazy the men I have dealt with personally are more kinkier than myself...lol. A couple have totally got me twisted, suggested things from threesomes to introducing them into the industry also,making our debut into mainstream. IF, I was to have a 3 some with my man/boyfriend/partner/lover it would not be with a girlfriend of mine, it would be with a neutral party or hell, one of his buds. I would never share my man with a girlfriend of mine, sorry guy. Even though I have shared portions of my sex life, I do believe some things are sacred, and that is my primary meat or man.
Which is why I often try to protect him or I try to be as open as I can with what I "do"with my mate. Because its so many myths about women who entertain, I want my partner to be at ease with my chosen path. Often I work too hard at being trusted, when in reality its the other person who should be working on gaining my trust. My past and present is on display, so I am not the random person.
I know its enticing to see a confident women who is curvy and provocative do her thing. Men love it, and yes, we eat up the attention. BUT,its a blessing and a curse. I am a big girl, who can handle the men coming at me in every direction. I confess, I have indulged in a groupie or a few. I have always kept it real with whomever I am seeing, and yet still they cannot be real with me. Why is that??
Over the weekend I listened to my homegirls and their grief with men and horror stories,shit theirs are almost the same as mine, but they are not in the industry. So, tell me what is really going on??
What is with these men, expecting you to bend over backwards and put your pointer finger on your nose. That is too much. I understand the ratio is high, there are a lot of women out here to chose from and to play with. I get that, but most do not want the freaky chick as their primary woman. Nope, most want that woman who is not as sexually experienced or if she is, its from the things you and her have done. These men still wind up having that dip on the side. Because they are not pleased entirely, they need to be filled completely or just fucking greedy. That is why porn is not going anywhere, nor the strip clubs or the entire sex business as a whole. We are sexual beings, and in this society we cannot express ourselves freely without some kind of ridicule. (If a man had it his way,he would choose the woman he can take to worship and to the strip club.) Hate to say, but this is one of the reasons why people are unfaithful...just my opinion.
And its so cool be sexually expressive in my book, but practice safe sex...and keep it real with whom you are sharing your body with on a regular basis. From the beginning coming into the situation get tested, show your results,this is not pillow talk after the condom has broken or you got caught up in the pussy and took the condom off. Yes, its hard to believe that men still take off the rubber with HIV and antibiotic resistant STD's on a major rise.
We as adults must respect sex, from the women and men who chose to do this for a living to those who live an alternative lifestyle. Respect must be there, give it as much as you want it.
LMFAO,at the guy who I made a date night with and canceled because he asked me on the ride over was I going to suck his dick. I do not know why he asked prior to the act, but that was a big mistake. I said yes until he mentioned that he was not going to return the favor. I told him,lol,how are you going to ask me that and not expect to have that required of you. I explained that I am fully tested recently, and offered to show him the results...I was real,yet joking because when he said he was not eating my pussy, there was no way I was fucking him, so what with a condom and so what if i did not suck his dick...i am on principle at this point,ok. Yes ok, I am a Fellatrix sexpert, and I LOVE to give headservice, you HAVE to at least attempt to lick the pussy before I go down on you....so tired of the one-sidedness. Fellas, you can't expect the head if they are not willing to give it to her,that is very fair. I do not care if he only eats my pussy once a week, I will suck the rim off his penis if he at least does it period.
Anyway, getting off my soapbox....my present partner/lover has no clue how I truly feel about him, because he is caught up in the fascination stage, when the reality stage has kicked in, he may be able to see who I am and my real thoughts of him. Trust me, its not what he thinks,and honestly I do not think he really wants to know. Scary thing, he and I are so much alike its sickening. The side he wants to embrace, behind close doors, is the one I am living aloud and often try to escape it. The lover in me wants to share so much, and the friend in me wants to lay the shit on him, read him his rights..left to right. My persona wants to show his ass how its really supposed to be done, and make him lick my stiletto's to show his appreciation.
Well, I am off to start a hellafied week, its been enlightening to divulge, kinda like a bowel movement at 6 am.
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
Showing posts with label entertainment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label entertainment. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Dear Diary,June21.2011
Dear Diary:
I am up early this morning,on this official first day of summer. I have a few hours to play without a child of mine in sight,wow-a rare occasion, so why not write something.
My Blackberry is on silent, I had my V8,so I feel like I am on the top of the world this morning. No, I did not wake up to some morning wood. My mind is not bogged down with stress, and my heart is not heavy with trouble. I feel lighter this week due to cutting off some family members that were taking advantage of my kindness. Yes,sometimes its family not those in the streets who fuck you over.
Although my heart is not heavy, I am pondering a few characters and one individual in my life. I guess the easiest way I was told to deal with something, is to break it down to the simplest form...so I will do that this morning one by one.
Let's see who shall I pick apart first? LOL......ok,I will start with my Xmen,the characters that they are. Typical assholes and jerks, yup-you had me,so why concern yourself with what or whom I am doing now. IDK-nosy....curious,either way they are back to fan status,no more chances with me.
My Xman I named "Hostile"aka "Mr.Take Over Brother"he is being salty because I shared that I was involved with someone younger than himself,this stopped his stalker calls at 4am, and he quit begging to come spend the weekend to lay up and do absolutely nothing. He's being childish, I offered my friendship minus the sex,but I guess he cannot be a man and accept that...oh well.
Next there is my last Xman "Mr"he&I are amicable for the most still,but he is jealous I am back dating, I believe he was happy when I was moping over him, and building a wall up for anybody who came at me. I woke up to a text message from him sent at 2am, he tried to slick say I was too close to comfy with my next door neighbor. Guess he thinks I am doing him or was creeping with him when he was living with me. Um hell no,sad he thinks I am that type of woman and besides the neighbor is so not my type. By the way,he's not shared that he is involved with someone yet because he STILL wants to appear like he is the "good guy"working and not paying women no attention. He truly thinks, I am a fool. Its all good because we know that he left Atlanta to be with another woman or took one to Texas with him.
Moving along to the Tenderonie, OMG-this guy is truly a fucking work of art. A liar, and he flexed on Facebook about a hook up I was going to give him,and I revoked that upon reading the post. I have to HAVE to divulge his real age,omy I know its horrible, I hate to even write it....23! That tall string bean is only 23, I found out when he was speaking with a business associate of mine who happens to also be in the music production industry as well. He told me he was 26,that was still cutting it close,but damn 23,that is only 8years older than my oldest child. Yes, the thrill is gone. He flex on Facebook and on other things too, then lied about his age. Major strikes and a turn off. WTF can he do for me besides sling some dick?!
Yesterday Tenderonie called to ask can he come by and chill with me today because he needed to escape. Why is that? Why me? I know that I have said "come to this oasis,this island of me"but damn,that erotic poetic proclamation was not for the random man. That saying I came up with was clearly for my lover and my man. I am not a refuge for wayward men. I know my name is "Dream",but damn. I've already blocked his number,but he can text me. I have said that I am not having sex any longer til my birthday,ok...so what, I was not direct by saying "I am no longer sleeping with you".
I just figured out why I was not direct with my last message to the Tenderonie. I do not want to hurt him by saying I don't want his dick no more, I do not care what he is going through because he brought on this particular situation,and he is grown.
Lastly, I have someone else who say he's interested in me. He and I were suppose to attend the Braves game together last week,but my hectic family life put the brakes on that date night. I hated to cancel on him, I really want to date him,but I feel I am being apprehensive. He's a analyzer, that can be a good and bad thing. Often guys like that read stuff totally wrong, and trying to figure me out and the dynamics of my occupation will drive him nuts. He claims he can handle it, and wants a relationship with the "real" me,he likes the chick in front of the camera, but wants to know the woman,the MILF-the "real"me. That is fine, but I did explain to him that I am harder on the men who know me online and especially if you have seen me naked before meeting me in person.
I like him, not too crazy about the fact he is from Decatur and he has a big dick that I cannot touch til I get to know who he really is. (I've met his representative,now I want to meet the real him.)
Oh yeah, I felt that monster dick of his on my thigh when he surprised me with a hug then a kiss. He is a great kisser, my lips were very comfortable against his.
I am scared,that kiss gave me some powerful energy. The sexual energy I sense with him is very intense, very scary. I got to remain calm, date him, and let things happen naturally. It sucks that he is fully in the know of who I am, he knows how sexual of a person I can be. On the contrary, that is not all I am about, so I must take my time with him, I want him for my own. That is so selfish of me, but I want my name all over his dick, and no I do not want to share him with anyone....maybe his employer, and family-that is about it.
Like I do not give a fuck about the Tenderonie, and damn all my Xmen-this new crush, I want to be deemed "Property of Dream". I want my name...real and persona tatt'd on his neck or back,lol....I am so serious.com.
I made such a selfish statement to him,maybe it was the Mojitos talking,but I told him that I wanted him and I to go get tested before we had sex. BECAUSE I want to feel all of him no barriers, I want free range to do anything with him and he can do likewise. Hot damn, I am getting wet just thinking about it.
Wait hold up,back to reality I have got to get to know him first. I researched our Zodiac signs, not a good pair, but fuck it I am going to try it out anyway. I am going to date him the traditional way, everything should be cool. Long as I start "acting" like I want a relationship,lol...my homeboy told me I wasn't....and as long as he doesn't have any game in these beginning stages-we are double cool;however,if I detect an ounce of game, I am yielding and taking another course of action. I won't dismiss him,just change the outcome.
Its hard being my man because I do like communication, quality time, but I do not like being smothered-I like an equal balance of all,I so do not like initiating sex or anything ALL the damn time...I know men are not mind readers, but shit I am simple-I want time spent,I want my time away from you, and I want sex with only you....get's no easier than that.
Let's see if he can get it right.
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
I am up early this morning,on this official first day of summer. I have a few hours to play without a child of mine in sight,wow-a rare occasion, so why not write something.
My Blackberry is on silent, I had my V8,so I feel like I am on the top of the world this morning. No, I did not wake up to some morning wood. My mind is not bogged down with stress, and my heart is not heavy with trouble. I feel lighter this week due to cutting off some family members that were taking advantage of my kindness. Yes,sometimes its family not those in the streets who fuck you over.
Although my heart is not heavy, I am pondering a few characters and one individual in my life. I guess the easiest way I was told to deal with something, is to break it down to the simplest form...so I will do that this morning one by one.
Let's see who shall I pick apart first? LOL......ok,I will start with my Xmen,the characters that they are. Typical assholes and jerks, yup-you had me,so why concern yourself with what or whom I am doing now. IDK-nosy....curious,either way they are back to fan status,no more chances with me.
My Xman I named "Hostile"aka "Mr.Take Over Brother"he is being salty because I shared that I was involved with someone younger than himself,this stopped his stalker calls at 4am, and he quit begging to come spend the weekend to lay up and do absolutely nothing. He's being childish, I offered my friendship minus the sex,but I guess he cannot be a man and accept that...oh well.
Next there is my last Xman "Mr"he&I are amicable for the most still,but he is jealous I am back dating, I believe he was happy when I was moping over him, and building a wall up for anybody who came at me. I woke up to a text message from him sent at 2am, he tried to slick say I was too close to comfy with my next door neighbor. Guess he thinks I am doing him or was creeping with him when he was living with me. Um hell no,sad he thinks I am that type of woman and besides the neighbor is so not my type. By the way,he's not shared that he is involved with someone yet because he STILL wants to appear like he is the "good guy"working and not paying women no attention. He truly thinks, I am a fool. Its all good because we know that he left Atlanta to be with another woman or took one to Texas with him.
Moving along to the Tenderonie, OMG-this guy is truly a fucking work of art. A liar, and he flexed on Facebook about a hook up I was going to give him,and I revoked that upon reading the post. I have to HAVE to divulge his real age,omy I know its horrible, I hate to even write it....23! That tall string bean is only 23, I found out when he was speaking with a business associate of mine who happens to also be in the music production industry as well. He told me he was 26,that was still cutting it close,but damn 23,that is only 8years older than my oldest child. Yes, the thrill is gone. He flex on Facebook and on other things too, then lied about his age. Major strikes and a turn off. WTF can he do for me besides sling some dick?!
Yesterday Tenderonie called to ask can he come by and chill with me today because he needed to escape. Why is that? Why me? I know that I have said "come to this oasis,this island of me"but damn,that erotic poetic proclamation was not for the random man. That saying I came up with was clearly for my lover and my man. I am not a refuge for wayward men. I know my name is "Dream",but damn. I've already blocked his number,but he can text me. I have said that I am not having sex any longer til my birthday,ok...so what, I was not direct by saying "I am no longer sleeping with you".
I just figured out why I was not direct with my last message to the Tenderonie. I do not want to hurt him by saying I don't want his dick no more, I do not care what he is going through because he brought on this particular situation,and he is grown.
Lastly, I have someone else who say he's interested in me. He and I were suppose to attend the Braves game together last week,but my hectic family life put the brakes on that date night. I hated to cancel on him, I really want to date him,but I feel I am being apprehensive. He's a analyzer, that can be a good and bad thing. Often guys like that read stuff totally wrong, and trying to figure me out and the dynamics of my occupation will drive him nuts. He claims he can handle it, and wants a relationship with the "real" me,he likes the chick in front of the camera, but wants to know the woman,the MILF-the "real"me. That is fine, but I did explain to him that I am harder on the men who know me online and especially if you have seen me naked before meeting me in person.
I like him, not too crazy about the fact he is from Decatur and he has a big dick that I cannot touch til I get to know who he really is. (I've met his representative,now I want to meet the real him.)
Oh yeah, I felt that monster dick of his on my thigh when he surprised me with a hug then a kiss. He is a great kisser, my lips were very comfortable against his.
I am scared,that kiss gave me some powerful energy. The sexual energy I sense with him is very intense, very scary. I got to remain calm, date him, and let things happen naturally. It sucks that he is fully in the know of who I am, he knows how sexual of a person I can be. On the contrary, that is not all I am about, so I must take my time with him, I want him for my own. That is so selfish of me, but I want my name all over his dick, and no I do not want to share him with anyone....maybe his employer, and family-that is about it.
Like I do not give a fuck about the Tenderonie, and damn all my Xmen-this new crush, I want to be deemed "Property of Dream". I want my name...real and persona tatt'd on his neck or back,lol....I am so serious.com.
I made such a selfish statement to him,maybe it was the Mojitos talking,but I told him that I wanted him and I to go get tested before we had sex. BECAUSE I want to feel all of him no barriers, I want free range to do anything with him and he can do likewise. Hot damn, I am getting wet just thinking about it.
Wait hold up,back to reality I have got to get to know him first. I researched our Zodiac signs, not a good pair, but fuck it I am going to try it out anyway. I am going to date him the traditional way, everything should be cool. Long as I start "acting" like I want a relationship,lol...my homeboy told me I wasn't....and as long as he doesn't have any game in these beginning stages-we are double cool;however,if I detect an ounce of game, I am yielding and taking another course of action. I won't dismiss him,just change the outcome.
Its hard being my man because I do like communication, quality time, but I do not like being smothered-I like an equal balance of all,I so do not like initiating sex or anything ALL the damn time...I know men are not mind readers, but shit I am simple-I want time spent,I want my time away from you, and I want sex with only you....get's no easier than that.
Let's see if he can get it right.
Kisses to you,
~Dream~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)